There’s no denying it: Mindy’s mom style is perfect. From the moment she comes home from the hospital in a star-print jumpsuit and braids, she is making mommyhood look like a delectable lifestyle brand. Costume designer Salvador Perez is not kidding around. That jumpsuit is some thousand-dollar Vivienne Westwood, for instance. (Though it can be yours today in select sizes for $445 on TheOutnet.com. You’re welcome.) I would 1,000 percent read Mindy’s mommy blog and gladly shell out for her subsequent book of stolen recipes.
Danny, however, is taking his daddy style in a little bit of a different direction, “babyproofing” the house by getting rid of the TV and internet, among other things. “Hey, did you find my gun?” Mindy asks innocently. Don’t worry, though. She did locate it in the toilet and will be dumping it in a river. Danny is also speaking a lot more Italian, saying things to baby Leo like, “How can such a beautiful boy come from such a crazy mother?” Perhaps Danny wants to make sure his son is in touch with his heritage from the very beginning. Mindy, for her part, thinks it sounds so beautiful that she wants to get it as a tramp stamp.
The plot for the episode kicks into gear when Danny and Mindy hear loud sex noises through the wall from their next-door neighbor, though I am distracted by Mindy’s incredible pineapple pajamas (which turn out to have a matching hat for Leo). Oh, right, and we’re introduced to a maybe–new character in the endless rotation of Mindy’s maybe–new characters, when Danny and Mindy confront the woman next door and ask her to quiet down, but she just accuses them of being old married people who will soon move to Scarsdale.
The next morning, Danny is emotional about going back to work, Morgan is jealous of the new baby, and Morgan is also suddenly aware of being the only single guy at work. (RIP, Tamgan.) That’s partially because Dr. Reed is in a good mood now that he’s coupled with Whitney. He is, in fact, “as happy as a prawn in sauce,” which is an excellent Jeremy line. We also learn at work that that one new older doctor now seems to be shipping off the show as quickly as many others who have briefly breezed through the halls of Shulman and Associates. He’s getting back together with his wife and returning to Philly. Well, good for him.
Mindy, meanwhile, is bored being at home on maternity leave. “Did you know that Leo’s not even going to talk until he’s 12 months old?” she asks Danny on the phone. “Yes, we’re doctors, you didn’t know that?” Danny answers, negating the logic of most of the show’s pregnancy-related plotlines. She’s so bored that she even dips into Danny’s “care package” full of books from his childhood (even though her first reaction is, “Ugh, books? Come on, dude.”) This seems to be mainly so she can provide some commentary: “'Jack Sprat could eat no fat, his wife could eat no lean' … Hits a little too close to home.” And “Huckleberry Finn: Full of the N-word like a Kanye song, full of important messages like a Common song.”
She is so bored that she’s writing her sweet 16 thank-you cards. She is, in fact, so bored that she reads the newspaper. (“That’s the minimum wage? No one tell Morgan.”) In the newspaper, she learns that Jake and Maggie Gyllenhaal are having a signing of their new joint cookbook, and she decides to go even though she promised Danny she wouldn’t take Leo out. This seems reasonable to me. If the Gyllenhaals ever have a joint cookbook, I am in.
But she gets locked out of the apartment, of course, and this is where the loud-sex next-door neighbor comes in. Turns out she’s Justin Bieber’s publicist, and her name is Chelsea. (The Biebs is on his whole adult-comeback thing right now; could we see a cameo?) Anyway, Chelsea is nice now, and she lets Mindy use her balcony to break back into her own apartment. Best joke of the episode: “Oh, God, my episiotomy stitches!” Probably best joke ever about episiotomies. Possibly only joke ever about episiotomies? This is exactly what I want from a pregnant/new mom Mindy. Besides fashion.
Chelsea and Mindy might be friends now? At least for the length of Mindy’s maternity leave? Because Bieber’s publicist works from home? “Before I had a baby, I loved listening to you bone randos,” Mindy says as they bond post-break-in. Chelsea confesses she’d like to meet someone special. “I thought you were slutty for modern female-empowerment reasons,” Mindy says, “not old-fashioned, sad ones.” Hey! How about Mindy fixes Chelsea and Morgan up? Is this why Morgan can’t be with Tamra? Because he provides more story lines when he can be ill-advisedly set up with people?
Back at the office, things are more exciting. Tamra overhears Whitney on her cell phone making plans with someone that sound exactly like cheating, so we know it will probably not end up to be cheating, but at least she gets to text her suspicions to Cousin Sheena, so we get to hear Laverne Cox in text voice-over: “Your job is interesting. I hate working at the White House.” Tamra also texts Jeremy about her Whitney suspicions, even though they’re in the same room. Texting is just easier. And I do like Tamra and Jeremy interacting; they haven’t really been paired up before. (You know how I always like when Jeremy gets to do things.)
Naturally, our new dynamic duo goes to the restaurant to confront Whitney, and it turns out she had been helping to lure her co-worker, Gerald, to an engagement party for him and his fiancé, John. Gerald got some prime line-delivery: “Really? I would have been so surprised!” Well done, Gerald. Via text narration, we get one more dispatch from Laverne Cox in the White House Situation Room: “Syria’s wack right now.” Oh, and then Tamra may or may not have seen Whitney doing coke in a bathroom stall.
Back at Danny and Mindy’s place, things come to a head, as they do. Because Chelsea and Morgan bone loudly and also talk about Danny and Mindy loudly, Danny finds out Mindy tried to sneak out, and luckily, Mindy tells him he’s being too controlling, because I wouldn’t respect her if she didn’t. But after she storms out and goes to a bar, she also realizes she’s lucky Danny is such an involved father.
I just hope Danny lets Mindy get Wi-Fi again.