Gilmore Girls is reportedly coming back for four 90-minute movies on Netflix, which is the best news Stars Hollow fans have heard since Kirk released his last short film. But what will happen in these films, aside from pop-infused banter, a de facto ode to glossy brown hair, the consumption of junk food, and maybe a cup of coffee or two? Let's gaze into the crystal ball:
The unveiling of Richard's memorial something. Sorry to be a bummer. But Edward Herrmann died at the end of last year, and the Gilmore-verse will need to acknowledge that in a meaningful way. Richard can't be on a business trip or something; we need to get everyone together to grieve. That said, the rawness and immediacy of a funeral is a bit heavy, plus then the whole series has to be "how do you deal with your father's death?" Instead, it's a gathering for the official opening of the Richard Gilmore Library, or the Richard Gilmore Insurance Hall of Fame, or the Richard Gilmore Bow-Tie Museum and Port Repository. Something. Then Lorelai and Rory and Emily can be all, "I miss Grandpa/Dad/my husband, but I have processed a lot of my grief already, and I'm able to think of his memory and be happy, just like Joe Biden said I would be someday. Let us now continue living our lives as he surely would have wanted."
Lane's sons are getting baptized in the funky rock-and-roll non-church she and Zack co-founded. Steve and Kwan are now 8 years old. Lane and Zack did not have a tremendous number of job skills, and raising twins makes touring with a band sort of difficult. Plus, was Hep Alien really bringing in the big bucks? Lane doesn't seem like she'd return to the Seventh-Day Adventist teachings of her youth, but she and Zack could easily run a "be who you are!" non-deity-oriented organization. And on your 8th birthday, you get a pair of drumsticks and promise to spend your life rocking out and encouraging others to do the same. If there's any town that could support this, it's Stars Hollow. Those people send their kids to Miss Patty for dance lessons.
It's Paris and Doyle's wedding. Danny Strong (Doyle) is probably busy running Empire, and Liza Weil (Paris) has How to Get Away With Murder responsibilities, but it would be a real shame not to see these two at all in a revival. Paris especially — maybe she and Rory haven't stayed close through the years, but she's such an essential part of the series. You have to figure Luke and Lorelai eloped already, and a Rory wedding feels a little too The Brady Girls Get Married. But Paris and Doyle? That would be great. (Some of the show's best episodes are wedding episodes: "I Can't Get Started," "Last Week Fights, This Week Tights," "Wedding Bell Blues.") Even though Paris and Doyle will have been together for a pretty long time at this point, they seem like the kind of couple who would wait until Paris was done with law school, med school, and maybe business school, and then spend some time planning a grand occasion. (This is also a pretty good opportunity for Logan to show up.) Also acceptable, barely, would be Michel throwing a dog wedding.
Rory publishes her first book. And Babette convinces Lorelai that the town needs to throw her a big party. Sookie will send her regrets, but Michel will probably be there. Presumably Rory still visits Stars Hollow with regularity, but maybe it's been a while? Christopher could participate, too, and demonstrate that he and Lorelai have both metabolized their relationship in a healthy way, and he and Luke — to whom Lorelei is happily married — are actually super-chill about each other, no big deal. Also, Gigi is now 12. (And this is a pretty good opportunity for Jess to show up, because books.)
Taylor decides to stage his own funeral before he dies. And all the townies are gathering to pay their respects in one last insanely persnickety town-hall meeting. It's the kind of thing that only happens on TV, but Gilmore Girls loves that stuff. (This is also a pretty good opportunity for Dean to show up, and maybe he actually runs Doose's?)
Nobody's having a baby. Just … skip all baby things. I don't want to watch Rory parent, I don't need Luke and Lorelai to have had a child, I don't need April Nardini to be making Luke a grandpa. If Paris and Doyle already have an extremely proper toddler largely being raised by Paris's beloved nanny, Nanny, fine. But that's it.