How to Get Away With Murder
Let me just get this out of the way: (1) I am shipping hard for Annalise and Eve, and (2) I realize this ship is more doomed than the Titanic, Amistad, and that boat in The Perfect Storm, but the heart wants what it wants, and in this case, it is these two over-40 women going all in on their love. Normally, TV shows only want to show lez-be-honest relationships to take viewers to the bone zone. But that’s not what’s happening here. What Annalise and Eve have is that “K-Ci and Jojo, high-school slow dance, I lost my virginity to you so you have a special place in my heart forever” type of love. And like I said, they are grown-up, checking their FICO scores on the regular, and taking ginkgo biloba, not some 21-year-old MTV video girls having a fun fling cause they’re “drunk.” What Annalise and Eve have is beautiful, real, and amazing, which means it’s all going to fall apart spectacularly. How? Not sure yet. Last night’s episode “She’s Dying” didn’t give us any insight into that, but that’s fine. There were plenty of other things going on that we have to discuss, so let’s get to it.
We open in the same flash-forward from last week’s episode. Annalise is lying in a pool of her own blood after being shot. By whom? We’re not sure, but Connor, of all people is there, trying to stop the bleeding while telling her this is all his fault. Now, this is surprising not because I think he shot her. I’m 1,000 percent sure he didn’t. But the Connor of season one was self-absorbed and only looking out for himself. So the fact that he is the one to stay with Annalise shows huge character growth in him. Nice. Anyway, we cut back to the present.
Keating & Co. are still representing the Blasian duo now that their aunt has ended up murdered. Caleb, the brother, denies that they committed the crime. Yeah, no. I’m sorry. I’m not trusting any hot light-skinned dudes with light eyes; I learned my lesson after watching Michael Ealy in The Perfect Guy. As Real Housewives of Atlanta’s Phaedra Parks would say, “Something in the buttermilk ain’t clean.” There’s no way everyone starts dying around them and they’re not involved somehow. While this story starts to unfold, it’s clearly taking a backseat this episode to Eve defending Nate, who has been framed for Sam’s murder.
Sinclair, the DA, will not quit and is thirsty to take somebody down. And who can blame her? Annalise has repeatedly gotten away with murder for her and her clients, so I get why the DA going so hard in the paint with the trial, which is why she calls Annalise to the witness stand. Ruh-roh, guys. This ain’t gonna be good. It’s going to be great! First, she tries to prove that Eve and Annalise have a relationship outside the courtroom. The judge pretty much #KanyeShrugs at this, so DA Sinclair tries plan B: some good old-fashioned slut-shaming. She gets mad loud and goes, “Do you remember the FIRST TIME YOU HAD SEX WITH NATE, WHOSE WIFE IS DYING OF CANCER?” Yeeeeeeeah, this is 50 shades of awkward, and then it turns into 32 shades of amazing because we learn that Annalise and Nate first smashed in a bathroom at a restaurant, which is so very The Real World: Las Vegas. #ShowingMyAge. Finally, DA Sinclair tries to paint Annalise as a potentially violent person, which ends up working because she badgers Annalise until she snaps.
The interns are having a slightly easier time. Connor ends up spilling the beans to THE ENTIRE OFFICE that Oliver has HIV. Oliver forgives him, but not before he and Michaela give Con a hard time about it. I love this trio’s chemistry, and in particular, Connor and Michaela’s brother-sister relationship. They tease each other a lot, but they also look out for each other. Connor was trying to do Michaela a solid and hook her up with Levi, a random dude who happened to be at the courthouse. This is all exciting except he might be Eggs 911, so now I’m fearing for Michaela’s life. I ain’t got time for that! I’m too busy worried about Bonnie.
She has been fragile ever since Annalise called her a monster. The two women have another showdown this week, and we see how truly ride-or-die Bonnie is. Annalise is like, “Ummmm, you should probably not be,” and Bonnie’s like, “But you’re my paternal bae.” Annalise and Bonnie cry, and then Annalise goes to emotionally eat some potato chips. Eve comes over to reconcile because she basically had to destroy Annalise on the witness stand to save Annalise and Nate, which is what ended up happening. Yay! But Anna is sad, so she pretends she doesn’t have feelings for Eve. Then she breaks down and tells Eve that she has feelings for her and that Eve is the best thing that ever happened to her. Amazing. This only happened for two reasons:
1. Annalise and Eve are obviously meant to be together.
2. Annalise knows that Eve will turn her out like she did Pierce Brosnan in GoldenEye:
You know what else gave me feels? Flaurel a.k.a. Frank and Laurel’s sexy-without-sex scene. If it wasn’t evident from last week’s recap, I believe that Laurel is the definition of “goofy-ass heaux.” Last week she rolled up at his apartment and didn’t try and smash even though he was shirtless and glistening like a Krispy Kreme doughnut. She wanted to talk about work. GIRL. GIRL. GUUUUUURL. I was hoping she learned from that moment. She did not. This week she comes over late at night to Frank’s place to brag about passing a test and then trying to act like she wasn’t there for the “D.” This is only bullshit women in their 20s do. Wasting time trying to be coy about what they want instead of telling a man to put their thing down, flip it, and reverse it. If that were me and I passed a test, I would’ve showed up to Frank’s house buck naked with a condom wrapper half open and a glass of water for Frank post-sex. She unfortunately did not do that. So Frank had to be like, “You’re leaving without getting what you came for?” And then he says a bunch of stuff about kissing her deep and giving her good sex like no one else can and that he … I can’t remember what else because I blacked out halfway through and woke up with my loins hot enough that my down there could have doubled as a panini press for five minutes. Anyway, the point is that he gets very descriptive about what she wants him to do to her and then goes, “SIKE!” He tells her that she can’t use him like a gigolo and that she needs to get to know him if she’s truly interested. Wow, as much as I love Scandal’s Jake, he can learn a thing or two from Frank.
All these sexy feelings dissipate because Oliver tells Connor how he got HIV. When they broke up after Connor cheated, Oliver had drunken sex with a stranger. Oof, but also a reminder that if I ever get cheated on, I’ll just stay home and do TurboTax even if my taxes aren’t due for another six months. Anyway, Connor blames himself and I’m afraid these lovebirds aren’t going to be able to get past this. Sigh. Just when things seem like they can’t get any worse, DA Sinclair tells Asher that she’s going up against Annalise in the Blasian duo trial. Man. Sinclair won’t quit until she either beats Anna or in case gets Anna locked up somew— OH. Oh, oh, oh. I spoke too soon.
We return to the flash-forward that opened the episode. DA Sinclair is dead! Her body is at the Blasian’s duo’s house, mere feet from Annalise’s!
All righty, do any of you have any idea what happened the night Annalise got shot and DA Sinclair ended up dead? Let me know in the comment section below.