Y'all, I'm going to say is this: Last night's episode of How to Get Away With Murder basically scalped me like I was Lucy Liu's character in Kill Bill Vol. 1. Yep, I have no damn scalp, and I barely have a damn life right now. And the reason for that is because, as per usual, HTGAWM spends the first 53.7 minutes of the episode being Bernie from Weekend at Bernie's chill, and then the final 6.3 minutes are nothing but plot twists and big reveals that have me reaching for my Life Alert button like I'm an elderly woman who's fallen and can't get up because my bones are brittle after not eating Boniva chewables for three weeks. In all seriousness, I spent a solid 30 minutes on my couch after "Two Birds, One Millstone," replaying the episode, and I still don't know what's going on! I mean, last week I was certain that Asher might be the one who shot Annalise, and now I'm thinking it might be Wes. Or Nate. Or Bonnie. Hell, it could be anyone. Except Frank. Frank is Mr. Ride or Die, so he's probably the only one who will have Annalise's back no matter what. And she needs him because I feel like she's starting to lose it a little bit, as we saw last night. So let's discuss and see if we can make sense of everything.
Speaking of Frank being Mr. Ride or Die, we open with the flash-forward. Annalise is now in the hospital, and Frank is right by her side, screaming at the doctors to tell him what's happening to her. It breaks my heart to see that he's so concerned about her. Then he leaves the hospital, and he's cool as a cucumber salad. He gets in his car and Catherine's body is slumped over in the back. OMG! Catherine is dead (Frank probably killed her), so it seems like his freakout in the hospital was nothing but some Masterpiece Theater acting, with an emphasis on piece because my baby Frank is hot as hell.
We then jump back in time two weeks and see this ...
... which convinces me that time machines should only be used to go back in the past to watch Frank bone and not to kill Baby Hitler. Sorry. #OnlyGodCanJudgeMe. Anyway, Flaurel are mad cute; he leaves the bedroom to jump in the shower and Laurel goes snooping though his things. She finds nothing before he comes back and asks her if she wants to join him, which is like asking me if I call an empty milk-chocolate graham cracker container "bae" when I'm single. A-doy!
Next we're at Annalise's classroom. Ha ha. I legit forgot they still go to school. When do the interns have time for lectures and blue-book exams? Anyway, Asher and Annalise are exchanging some looks, which we later learn is because she promises him that she's going to take care of everything re: Sinclair, so he doesn't need to go to the police. Annalise tells Bonnie that Asher won't spill the beans, and it must be because Bonnie really got to him. As per usual, Anna is lying and conveniently leaving out the info that she showed Asher the tape of a young Bonnie being molested by her dad. Still no confirmation on whether that was actually Bonnie or another little girl, but knowing Annalise, I'm going to say [Shaggy voice] it wasn't her. Because of all these secret office conversations, Wes is straight-up in the corner staring at Annalise's office, and I really hope he will stop, because it's creepy and Frank is not afraid to kill people, and I fear he's going to snuff Wes out like a candle.
Now, on to the two cases of the week: (1) Jill, Anna's friend, killing her abusive husband, and (2) the ongoing Hapstall trial. Let's get Jill's case out of the way. Please note I'm not breezing through it because it was boring; it wasn't. It's just that the Hapstall situation blossoms into something super crazy by episode's end, so I want to devote as much verbiage to it as I can. Okay, so Jill. She calls Annalise from a land line (GIRL, this is not 1983 or an Adele video, but okay, continue onward with this journey) and is like, "OMG! I don't know what happened. My husband and I had a struggle and now he's dead." This, of course, means that she knew exactly what the hell happened. Eventually, Annalise tells her to call 911. LOL. It takes them more time to come to the conclusion to call 911 than it took me to declare a major in college. In short, they took too damn long. The police show up to the crime scene, and then Annalise arrives shortly afterwards. Anna assesses the room and compares it with what Jill told her on the phone, and it's clear: There wasn't a struggle. Jill just made it seem like there was one after she killed her husband. Before she can confront Jill, one of the cops comes over and is transphobic, so eff this dude. Anyway, as the episode unfolds, we find out what actually happened, which is that Jill's husband abused her on a regular basis, so she finally took matters into her own hands to get her life back. Ooof. That's a doozy, but I have to say I'm glad. Well, not "glad," because domestic violence is awful, but I appreciate that the show didn't go the clichéd route with a trans character. The whole "her husband found out she used to have a peen and that's why he beat her" feels very tired and would have reduced a transgender person to her physical body parts. I feel that by not going that route, we really got to know her character, so kudos to Shondaland for once again being progressive and allowing all voices to shine in a real way, as opposed a sensational way. We see Jill's humanity, and that's why this story line is so effective.
Plus, the Jill/Annalise plotline gave us a tender moment between the two women in which they both admit that they are glad their husbands are dead. This was especially surprising coming from Annalise because this whole time she has been understandably weary. So this revelation added another wrinkle to her character. After all, he did cheat on her, and he wasn't exactly nice to her the night he died, so it only made sense that Annalise would be a little bit happy he is out of her life. I, on the other hand, am not. Sam is an older hot dude, which means he's about that "Charlie Rose and chill" life, which is the grown-up version of "Netflix and chill." Except that with our version, Sam and I would watch C. Rose while I'm wearing a Proactiv skin-purifying mask and telling him "soft pass" when he asks me to give him a HJ. "Charlie Rose and chill" isn't glamorous, but it's honest. Alrighty, on to the Hapstill drama.
The interns are still working their case, and I don't like it. Mainly because Michaela and Caleb keep glancing at each other and I'm worried that Michaela is going to hook up with him. Eep! We don't even know if he's innocent, so keep your legs closed, girl! Connor, on the other hand, is telling her to open up shop and go for Caleb. Meanwhile, the other interns are talking trash about the Hapstall siblings once Caleb and Catherine leave the room. Then they discover that an iPad has been recording the conversation. Catherine enters the room and is like, "Yeah, mofos, I recorded y'all because I wanted to see what you really thought of us when we're not around." Three things. Is that legal? Why do the interns have to be so damn loud when trash-talking? Is Laurel gonna give Frank the nookie and then be like, "Kill that heifer for me, please. Totes preesh"? And since I'm alone right now, I guess I will answer the questions myself. Probably not legal; the interns are idiots; and Frank is going to be like, "Me? Kill someone? Why would you ask me to do that?"
So Annalise catches up with Nate, who is super sad because his wife died. So Anna goes by his place and brings him cobbler pie, but he still won't let her in, so she leaves the pie and bounces. Meanwhile, Wes is still suspicious of everything and won't stop talking about Rebecca being dead. NO ONE CARES! She was a trash character. Thankfully, the interns are sick of hearing about it as well, so Laurel tells Wes they're going to go to Frank and get the truth. They do; Frank says that Rebecca ran away, and Laurel is like, "See?" See what? What did this conversation prove? Absolutely nothing, because when you ask someone if they killed a person in front of mixed company, that someone is not going to be like, "Yep! And here is the proof of murder," which is like the proof of purchase I hang onto so I can get a rebate from Staples. But Frank is her bae, so I get why she believes him so easily.
Back to the Hapstall case. It turns out their aunt had a kid that no one knows about, and the cousin might be behind the deaths because if the cousin kills everyone and then frames the siblings, Hapstall Cousin gets the life-insurance money. Whoa. This is bananas. What's even more bananas is that Caleb straight-up hits on Michaela, and that, my friends, is peak #BeigeSwag. He hasn't beat the murder charge yet, and he's trying to make plans to see Book of Mormon on Broadway. Maybe if Drake had this kind of #BeigeSwag, he would actually be dating Serena Williams, but he doesn't, so he isn't, and will just continue to dance in bulky sweaters like a Midwesterner mom at a book-club shindig.
Next we see Annalise go to Nates's again with more pie. Nate says, "Screw you," but I really want to know what happened to those pies. Be mad all you want, but a black person's cobbler pie is like being covered in Dionne Warwick kisses. You should cherish that. Unfortunately, I never do find out what happened to the baked goods because he decides to confront Annalise instead. At first, his voice is very low, so you think he's going to be delicate when he snatches Annalise's wig. Like he's going to his index finger to gently separate her wig from the wig glue, but naw. He went 0 to 90 and says that he killed his wife so she would finally be at peace, and that no one will ever love Annalise enough to want to take her out of her misery like that. And then, for good measure, he blames her for why he didn't get to spend as much time with Nia as he could've. If I remember correctly, he was the one who showed up to Annalise's house and went down on her, so ... this can't all be Annalise's fault. After all, vajeen cannot eat itself. #DontTellMyMomIWroteThat.
So, as you can see, that fight was pretty ugly, and Wes was in the hallway watching it all! What the heck? Why is Wes so creepy this season?? I don't like it. Anyway, he runs away, and she goes to his apartment. He's so confused by everything and says he doesn't believe her. Then, and I may be wrong about this, but I'm pretty sure she tells Wes that she is his mom. WHAT. THE. FUCK. Then she starts saying all this other mess about his biological mom, and I think Wes falls for it because Annalise is a master manipulator. She says that she won't keep any more secrets, and then proceeds to keep one by saying that Rebecca ran away. LOL. This chick.
Across town, Frank takes Laurel to meet his family. Yeah, they've only been a official for a few weeks, but if that were me and Frank was taking me to meet all his family, I would definitely do this:
And, yes, I realize that Frank is probably also doing this to get Laurel to stop snooping around, but just let me have this moment, please! The next moment is not so sweet because Asher and his dad are done for good. To save Jill, Annalise had to turn on his dad and have the cop investigating Jill to look into Asher's dad's shady judge practices. It's kind of heartbreaking, especially since Asher wanted his dad not to be harmed this way. But Annalise being Annalise, she does what she's going to do. Bonnie goes to see Sinclair for some reason, and Sinclair is out for blood. She has an envelope that has info about Tiffany Howard. Bonnie doesn't want it, and that's when Sinclair says that Tiffany was gang-raped. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! This is awful! Asher is a rapist?! I hope it's not true because otherwise I will put him on the express train to Hell.
Coliver are investigating the Hapstall cousin on Oliver's laptop after Oliver hacked into the cousin's computer. That's when we see that the Hapstall cousin is spying on them through his computer. Help! Nothing can happen to Oliver! He's so sweet!
And just when it seems things can't get any more scary, we go back to flash-forward. Frank dumps Catherine in the woods and leaves. It's morning, and a cop discovers her body, and then Catherine wakes up! She's not DEAD?! This is insane! So I guess that means that Frank is going to try to frame Catherine for the Annalise shooting. WOW. Did not see that coming!
Alrighty, what did you think about last night's crazy episode? Are you shocked at how good Frank is at getting away with murder?