Fitz and Olivia didn't get married on last night's Scandal because their love is too extraordinary for the normal trappings of contemporary society. They have to do love their way! Also they're both totally murderers, and their love web has ensnared several bystanders. Nothing's ever easy for "Olitz," especially when its two members actively work against their relationship's stability. What kinds of government responsibilities has Fitz been shirking while he's focusing on matters of the heart?
Two full years ago, I wondered if Fitz and Olivia would ever get their heads out of their asses, and now, here in 2015, we can all agree the answer is no. (Also, my God, this show has killed off a lot of people. Miss you, James! Not you, though, Harrison.) When Scandal started, there were too many genuine obstacles in the way of Fitz and Olivia's romance — it was so doomed and tortured, though of course that only made it more delectable and torrid. Now, though, those obstacles are largely gone, and all that's standing in the way of them being together is their own boneheadedness. We've watched Fitz launch a war for Olivia, and we've watched Olivia leave the majesty of finger-bang island to come back to Fitz. She said repeatedly last night that she'd be willing to perjure herself to protect him. I know, I know — we're all our own worst enemies, especially romantically, but given the scope and depth of what these two have been through, it's frustrating to watch them battle the same kind of crap that prevents 22-year-olds from saying, "So, I would like to call us boyfriend and girlfriend." You are both grown people. Know yourselves and your boundaries a little better by now.
Scandal's calling card is its breakneck plotting, but as season five settles in, it's hard not to feel like we're rehashing the same old stories over and over. Olivia and Fitz are breaking up? Yeah, we've seen it before — kind of a lot! Mellie decides to flip the tables and try to work with Olivia on something? Yes, again, that has happened before. No matter what happens between Olivia and Abby, eventually Abby acquiesces to Olivia's often extreme requests because secretly Olivia is a cult leader, not a small-business owner. Papa Pope is out of jail and back in the high-level blackmail game, Jake's a consolation prize, some tertiary character has died, and Sally Langston is frothing at the mouth. Maybe if Olivia told Mellie that Papa Pope killed Jerry? Nope, that didn't take. Maybe if Mellie told Fitz that his father raped her? Nope, that didn't change anything either. Déjà vu all over again, Scandal.
So Olivia's now on the Mellie side of things, having jetted from her own rush-job wedding. (And for someone who didn't want a dress, a sparkly suit and Jackie O. updo don't seem that far off.) How long before she and Fitz are back in each other's beds? How long before they're giving each other the ferret-eyed operatic monologues that serve as their foreplay? Two episodes? Three? Then it'll be back to the same mechanics. It only seems like a lot is happening on Scandal. In actuality, almost nothing is.