Zola’s Insane Twitter Story Is Showgirls for 2015

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The original Zola. Photo: Carolco Pictures

Showgirls is a film that changed lives. Nomi Malone travels to Las Vegas, becomes a chorus girl, and gets mixed up in drugs, stripping, and prostitution — and makes it out unscathed while her black friend, Molly, gets raped and brutalized. Luckily, we have Zola to come our rescue. Zola is a Hooter's waitress (@_zolarmoon on Twitter) who began tweeting on Tuesday night about her "hoe trip" to Florida where she ran afoul of drugs, stripping, guns, and prostitution. The internet knew nothing about Zola before she started weaving this maybe-true story, but she became the protagonist we needed to retell Showgirls in 2015 as an insane and depraved excursion in Florida.

Zola's story begins, of course, at Hooter's, the symbolic West Egg of this Gatsby-esque bacchanal to come, where she meets "this white bitch" named Jess. Jess is a dancer just like Zola, and she invites her to go to Florida, which is the inciting incident for this future Screen Gems production starring Taraji P. Henson. The story has since been deleted from Twitter, but it exists on Imgur.

Zola and Jess.

via GIPHY

Zolaaaa.

When Zola gets a call about the entire incident, her response is, "Florida? Murder? U have the wrong number!"

Just like Nomi Malone, Zola takes no shit.

via GIPHY

Zola's epic tale. Photo: Imgur

Is the story fact, or is it fiction? Twitter has already started doing its Jessica Fletcher thing and investigating it. There was a real shooting at a motel! And a real prostitution ring got busted!

We also see that "Jess" may have outed herself in the story by responding to an Instagram comment.

Jess speaks. Photo: Mangetsujin/Twitter

But whether it's true or not, Zola, our new "Goddess," our new Nomi Malone — if someone named Ryan Murphy approaches and offers to put you in a TV show, run far, far away.