Early in his weeklong residency on Ellen, Justin Bieber sat down for an emotional chat about his penis while wearing a Metallica shirt. This did not sit well with a number of the band’s fans, who, after riding a hell-steed to Valhalla with their blood brothers by their side, put away their broadswords, took out their iPhones, logged into their Twitter accounts, and posted 140-character messages about how mad they were about a pop star’s T-shirt. Now, just like the people who got mad about Force Awakens and red Starbucks cups, they have been cursed by Mephisto himself to see their anger roundly mocked across this digital Inferno. As Metallica themselves once sang, “I can’t remember anything/ Can’t tell if this is true or dream/ Deep down inside I feel to scream/ Everyone’s hate-faving me.”
