Kevin Smith Tips Waitress So Obscenely Well, She Can’t Keep Silent (Bob) About It

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Good tipper. Photo: Albert L. Ortega/Getty Images

Well, we finally know what Kevin Smith has been hiding in those giant cargo shorts: tons of cash for tipping! A waitress recently reported on Gawker's Kitchenette that Kevin Smith, after accidentally making the workers stay late, apologized to them all and then tipped them each $1,000. Once he realized he had been holding everyone up, Kevin Smith allegedly told the waitress, "I swear I’ll be extremely fast, but don’t bother with the ‘don’t worry about it, sir’ crap. I want to talk to all four of you right now because I will make this right." He wasn't lying. We'll let the waitress, C.J., take it from here:

“Like I told C.J. here, I’m really, honestly upset with myself for delaying you guys. I don’t want you guys to go home angry at me or angry at your job for forcing you to deal with dumbasses like me. Another thing I told C.J. was that there’s no point in arguing, because I won’t let this go. Are there any questions at all?”

There were none, and he handed us each one of the four piles of one thousand f*cking dollars in cash he’d neatly made on the register counter.

No word if the waitress and her co-workers spent the money on weed and hockey jerseys, just like Smith would've wanted.