The Real Housewives of Atlanta
Is there any better way to kick off Christmas week than another episode of The Real Housewives of Atlanta? I guess I could work in a soup kitchen, catch up on my student-loan payments, or actually say hello to my neighbors. But I’m not a great person, so watching RHOA it is!
I have to say, “Miami Spice” is a very strong ep, and a great part two for the Miami trip. There’s drama, Jacuzzi action, and women tensely slicing fruit while discussing other drama. In short, I loved it.
We pick up where we left off, with the game of Never Have I Ever and Kenya snapping her fingers at Glen, Tammy’s nephew. He quickly shuts her down for being so rude, and she’s like, “Ooooh,” and then serves up her vajeen on a platter like she’s a cater-waiter at a corporate holiday party. He just stares blankly, which is the only appropriate reaction to Kenya’s lunacy. Back to the game. Shamea admits she’s never had a golden shower — me too! — while Sheree and Porsha both take a drink. Cut to me like:
I get that everyone must live their truth, but why is some people’s truth that they must mimic a toilet bowl that’s been freshly cleaned with some Scrubbing Bubbles? This will forever be one of life’s biggest mysteries. Anyway, this admission makes Kim walk to the other side of the boat to call her husband Chris. The boat eventually arrives at the house, and Kandi is a little confused. What are strangers doing there? I have to say, I’m on #TeamKandi here. She’s pregnant, and this is supposed to be vacation for the girls, so I think someone should have called her to say men were coming over to the house, especially since Oliver already wants to spend the night with Porsha. Like, down, boy! But also, it makes sense that he’s trying to smash and dash since Porsha is only in town for 48 hours.
Everyone goes outside, and Glen cops an attitude with Kandi for no reason, which is textbook Jersey Shore behavior, so I’m just counting the minutes until a fight breaks out … which might happen after Porsha’s lady lumps pop out of her bikini. That mess is entirely too small for her body, which is how it’s supposed to be when you’re trying to take a dude to the bone zone. Good work, Porsha! Kandi and Kim are staying sober and watching the foolishness unfold. What would that foolishness be? Oliver attempts to walk over to a different part of the pool where Porsha is, then he slips and falls. LOL. He’s not smooth, and she’s desperate. In my book, they’re perfect for each other, and I cannot wait to attend their wedding.
Back to Glen. Despite Kenya’s messiness, he’s clearly on 11 and states that he’s not messing with “bitch-ass bitches.” Uh … huh? Chill out, bro. Thankfully, Porsha is very smart, and she senses that Kenya wants to have Glen and his friends kicked out, so she tells Oliver to leave. I guess they’ll hook up another night. Sheree is confused because she thought Kenya wanted to smash Glen. I did, too, but dude is weird, so I can see why Kenya shut that down. Tammy goes to rally the fellas so they can leave, and this is where I have a problem with Kenya. As the guys are about to leave the house, Kenya starts stirring the pot, like, “Hey, I just want to let you know that you’re being weird and making all the women here uncomfortable.” Phaedra and Sheree are like, “What? We were fine.” LOL. Then Glen starts cursing and walking towards Kenya. Ruh-roh. She calls for security. Tammy steps in front of Glen to calm him down as three burly guys approach. He shoves her out the way and she falls on ground, looking like she was knocked unconscious. The security guys pin him down. OMG! Not Beige Miley Cyrus! Isn’t she his “aunt?” Why would he shove her like that? It’s the heat of the moment, but that’s your family trying to stop you from making a huge mistake. Luckily, Tammy wakes up, and the medics take her to the hospital for observation.
Meanwhile, Kenya tells Kandi what happened. Cynthia apparently feels guilty that Tammy got hurt, and Kenya, of course, doesn’t at all. There was no reason for her to say anything to him, especially because he seems to have a short fuse AND he was already being escorted out of the house. Ay-yi-yi.
Some of the ladies are upstairs, and they all agree that Kenya escalated the situation. Downstairs, Kenya and Kim talk about what happened, and before Kim says what she wants to say, Kenya blames her for the entire situation. Kim has enough, so she packs her suitcase to go to the hotel. I don’t blame her. If it were me, my ass would be on a hoverboard to the nearest Best Western. Middle-aged mothers should not be in such ludicrous scenarios.
The next morning, Kandi is packing to head to the airport. Kenya and Cynthia come by and they ask why Kandi wants to leave. Apparently, after all that mess went down last night night, Tammy, Glen, and his friend came BACK to the house in a hospital robe and socks. WHAT? I would make fun of this, but she’s clearly been through enough, so I’m leaving Beige Miley Cyrus alone. Anyway, security told Tammy to check into a hotel just so Glen and his friend wouldn’t come to the house again.
Phaedra points out that Kenya immediately labeled the black guy as a threat, which then made everything hyped. Phaedra has two sons, so she doesn’t like how Kenya jumped to conclusions about Glen. I agree, but I also feel like Kenya and Glen are both wrong in this situation. It’s a tough call.
While, the rest of the ladies ride around in some Hummers, Kim is back home with the family, and she seems much happier. Kim and Chris talk about Kenya, and they are definitely not fans. Kim isn’t sure she wants to work with Kenya on her pilot. I honestly forgot that Kenya even had a pilot, and I can’t even believe Kim is still thinking about working on it. Kenya can’t act! Kenya should flush all the footage down the toilet. There is no other work that can be done on that pilot.
Oliver takes Porsha out on a date while the other ladies are having dinner at home. They haven’t even finished dinner yet when Oli tries to kiss her. She stops him. They finish dinner, then they kiss. I don’t know why she made him wait for a peck when it seemed like she wanted to jump his bones since the minute she met him. It’s not like she’s ever going to see this dude again, so she might as well go hard in the paint, a.k.a. get some. But she doesn’t. They end the night with a kiss, then Porsha goes back to gush about the date with the ladies. Cute.
Now that the vacation is over, everyone is back in Atlanta, and things seem to return to normal. Kandi and Phaedra are getting along better than ever, but who cares about that because it’s all about Kim and Kenya meeting for lunch.
Kenya is like, “Why did you leave?” Really? She’s going to act like none of that foolishness happened and Kim just left a unicorn and lollipops party?! Kim left because the trip turned into a bootleg episode of The Real World. A-doy! Kenya goes, “I get that there seems to be a struggle between you and home.” MESSY! There is really no need for Kenya to be talking about another woman’s marriage and home life. She has no idea what goes on behind closed doors. Kim immediately shuts it down. Sure, she missed her husband, but Tammy getting knocked out was what made her decide to leave. Kim goes on to say that she thinks Kenya was manufacturing drama. Kenya denies this. The ladies finally seem to come to an understanding, which seems like, “Don’t mess with me and I won’t mess with you.” Fruit is tensely sliced, and fake smiles are thrown. Okay, this is foreshadowing for a bigger fight, I think.
Alrighty, what did you think of last night’s episode? Who do you think was in the wrong: Kenya or Glen? Let me know in the comments below.