At a time when television is saturated with Real Housewives, you have may missed that Bravo slipped another one in there: The UK’s Real Housewives of Cheshire now airing on Bravo during the prime Saturday-at-noon slot. For most of us, this is our first foray into British Housewives territory, and we’re here to guide you through the process. You know when you watch a Guy Ritchie film and think, wow, this could really benefit from some subtitles? Real Housewives of Cheshire is no different. Consider this your supplementary glossary for some of the cruder terms these ladies use — the more egregious language has been censored out so as not to offend the fair ears of American viewers, but what’s left sounds a lot like the first half of My Fair Lady. Let’s dive in, shall we?
Golden Triangle. The Cheshire area is known as the Golden Triangle, a name that is meant to embody opulence and wealth. No one actually refers to Cheshire this way after the opening credits, when the cast is still trying to convince you their rich little hamlet is worthy of your peasant-like awe.
Footballer. A professional football, or what we’d call soccer player. Particularly relevant as four out of six househusbands are former or current footballers.
Full on. Many a Housewife has declared herself to be “in your face” or promised to “tell it like it is,” like that’s some sort of virtue; this is just a non-descript British way of putting it.
Get stuffed. A polite way of telling someone to get lost, or more, if you think long and hard about just what a person might get stuffed with. To be used when your frenemy requests free stuff, or when your boyfriend complains that you’ve started up a new season of Housewives.
Kick off. Kicking off is that buzzing feeling you get when the Sauvignon Blanc hits your bloodstream and they finally show what happens between the “next up” and “previously on” clips that bookend the commercials: Shit is about to go down.
Minging. This is…not a nice word. Meant to convey that something is rotten, soiled, disgusting. If you ever find yourself mingling in polite British society, refrain from using the term.
Slagging off. Talking shit, but not to someone’s face. The key characteristic of this behavior is that ultimate Housewives war crime of doing it behind the subject’s back.
Sponger. A person who always pesters you for things, like your friend who bums cigarettes and forgets to pay for coffees, or your other friend, who is worth many millions of dollars but asks for free tickets to the charity ball you’re hosting.
WAGs. This acronym stands for wives and girlfriends (of footballers). We pick up valuable snippets of gossip from the ladies about getting pissed and buying denim Louis Vuitton purses during their time as young WAGs. It was during these halcyon days that many of the friendships and frenemy-ships formed among the Housewives, so pay close attention.
Wee. To urinate, like one Housewife claimed to do in another’s driveway, presumably while waiting for her car to arrive after a champagne binge-drinking session and celebration of their good fortune to have married into football royalty.
Wind your neck in. The literal translation of this phrase is unknown, but in Housewives parlance it is akin to saying “Don’t get it twisted” — or stop talking, sit down, and listen.
Wind up. Kind of like slagging a person off, but to their face, so it’s okay! To wind someone up is to provoke them into a rage, possibly by accusing them of having a reputation as a sponger.