You may have heard that the Force will be awakening on December 18. To provide an outlet for our excitement, we've assembled another Vulture Advent Calendar — in this case, 25 Star Wars–themed stories, one per day until Christmas. None of them will involve midi-chlorians.
The Star Wars franchise isn't known for its melancholy. But if you focus on the only speaking character to appear in all seven of the space-opera flicks, it becomes a lot more neurotic. C-3PO is surrounded by adventurers and warriors, but he's just a self-doubting nebbish, always worried and never satisfied. In other words, he's much like a Woody Allen protagonist. For this week's Vulture Remix, in honor of Anthony Daniels's return to the Threepio suit in The Force Awakens, we've assembled this mash-up of the famed opening credits and monologue from Allen's Manhattan and the golden droid's own gripes and contemplations. Wring your metal hands along with him.
Once you're done, watch our other Vulture Remixes, which come out on Mondays. There's one where Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice comes out in 1949, and here's one where Miss Piggy lip-syncs Rihanna! Woody Allen would probably hate the latter, but he might dig the former.