Watch Leonardo DiCaprio Star in The Oregon Trail: The Movie

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It's an epic tale of survival. A saga set in the American wilderness during a time when the land was wild and the risks were many. A story about humankind's stubborn ability to resist the forces of nature in a last-ditch effort to hold on to life. We're talking, of course, about The Oregon Trail. If you went to elementary school in the 1980s or early 1990s, you almost certainly remember this educational computer game and its pixelated panoply of dangers from flora and fauna. Although it was targeted at kids, it had more than a little in common with Alejandro González Iñárritu's Golden Globe–winning The Revenant, starring a very bearded, very Golden Globe–winning Leonardo DiCaprio. In this week's Vulture Remix, we envision a world in which the two are joined in a mash-up as wild as the bison you need to shoot for provisions so your party can live to ford the next river.

Tune in Mondays for more Vulture Remixes! And watch our past hits, such as the one where Miss Piggy sings Rihanna, or the one where The Avengers is a rom-com. If you don't watch them, you will die of dysentery.