It’s been 10 weeks off nicotine and I’m losing my mind a bit. I can now reasonably access the dark hunger and it is powerful. I usually buckle at around three months. I start to feel thick in body and mind. I start to feel itchy in my bones and like I’m not quite whole and the missing piece is something I can ingest. I wish I could just get addicted to exercise. Why am I not one of those guys? That would be great. But the momentum I have to generate mentally to even get out of the house in my sneakers is a heavy undertaking, so that is not sticking as the next compulsive lifestyle shift. It’s always food or sex with me. I guess I should be happy I don’t really think about going back to the drugs and I’ve never been comfortable with gambling or over-buying stuff. Food or sex or back to the nicotine. Or, maybe, I can actually make it through to just being comfortable with my discomfort until it dissipates. That hasn’t happened in fifty one years but I won’t give up hope. I might start drinking coffee again. This tea thing gets annoying.
Week 10 | Year 10
Animations by Kyle Strope.