Howdy, friends! As much as I hate these two-part episodes, they're always full of ridiculous drama, so I sort of let it pass. And this duo of episodes is no different. "Read School Is in Session" wraps up the Chris/"Chrissy" rumors, hints at not one, but two couples being on the road to recovery, and puts so much side-boob on display that I'm not sure I'm watching a reality TV show or a bunch of glazed meats at a Boston Market. Either way, this was a really solid episode of RHOA. Let's discuss, shall we?
We pick up right where we left off last week: All the ladies are talking to Kim about her husband, Chris, even though Kenya was being hella homophobic just the night before. My girl Sheree straight-up drops the bomb and is like, "People were gossiping about your man," and Porsha chimes in that Kenya was saying everything. Kim wants to "cut these chicks with my mouth," which is not a saying, but I get it. When you're upset, sometimes you say things that make negative sense. One time, I was angry at a dude and said, "Get your d-hole out your b-hole" because he wasn't doing something in a timely manner. Not sure then and never will be sure how productivity relates to one Cirque de Soleil–ing one's own tuckus with their dong. Yet, he and I were both on the same page, and he knew he needed to step it up.
Back to Kim. Although she's livid, she just tells the women that she and Chris love each other deeply and their marriage is solid. Okay, cool. So end of conversation? NOPE. Because then, Sheree is like, "Look, I didn't say anything about Chris, but me, Phaedra, and Porsha Googled him and read about the rumors online." WHAT THE HELL? Damn, Sheree. I understand wanting to be honest and not be fake, but she is only creating insane amounts of drama by having this discussion all out in the open where other patrons in the restaurant are just chilling. People are probably playing Big Buck Hunter in the background while all these ladies are like, "We heard your entire relationship is a sham." Sheree:
Seriously, there's no reason for this circus right now — even though I'm laughing at all the mess you are causing. But then I'm sad again because Kim looks so hurt that everyone was talking about her behind her back. Thankfully, Kenya steps in to smooth things over. She says that no one really cares if Chris is gay or not; he's a nice guy. FINALLY! All the homophobia can stop. But then, Kenya keeps going and says that no one really cares about Kim and Chris's tax problems either. L to the O to the L. WUT?! Where did that even come from? Did anyone know that Kim and Chris were having tax problems? Why can't Kenya just apologize without throwing shade at the same time? NeNe goes, "I didn't Google, child. I don't even have my computer." Right. You can Google on your phone, but sure, NeNe. Anyway, Kim gets up and goes to bed, and if she doesn't leave this show by the end of the season, I will be pretty shocked.
Now that Kim is gone, Kenya is kind of mad that some of the girls didn't own up to their roles of the conversation, which I only half-agree with. NeNe saying that Chris is not a super-masculine guy is not the same as Kenya being like, "Did y'all know Chris is game and that his marriage is fake and that he and Kim are living a lie so they can be this perfect couple that everyone looks up to?" Kenya was being intentionally nasty and I don't care if the rumors have circulated for years. It's not her business to continue spreading them.
The next day, things seem to be a little more chill. Kenya and Matt are getting ready to go on a hike, Porsha and Oliver are ordering room service, and NeNe meets up with Kim because she feels bad about the "Chrissy" jokes. I will say this: NeNe really does seem to be maturing. I'm impressed that she wants to sit down with Kim and help her out. However, I completely disagree with the suggestion that Kim should confront Kenya. Everyone needs to just move on before this turns into yet another fight. Phaedra joins them and says, "Some rattlesnakes you have to chop their heads off." Well then. Kim doesn't want to stoop to Kenya's level, but she definitely wants to end Kenya's bullying ways. So, she's open to letting NeNe and Phaedra teach her how to fight back. They're teaching her how to read. And there really needs to be a show with Kim, NeNe, and Phaedra called The School of Reads because the two of them teaching Kim how to dress another person down is so funny and cute. Plus, it's nice to see some of the ladies getting along for a change.
Back in Atlanta, Todd and Kandi meet up with Javion, a potential chef for their upcoming restaurant. Aunt Bertha is the only person not onboard, so they invite her, Mama Joyce, and Aunt Nora to the food tasting. Lemme guess? Even though Javion is qualified and talented, Aunt Bertha will hate his food. And … I'm correct! She HATES everything except the ribs. Poor Javion. He's probably thinking he should've gone on Top Chef. He's correct. But even though Aunt Bertha was resistant at first, even she's down for the restaurant idea.
We return to Jamaica. Kim decides to check in with bae and tells him that the girls were questioning his sexuality. Chris, because he's a grown adult, doesn't care about the drama and he encourages her not to fight back. Then everyone hops in vans to head to Dunn River's Fall. It's so pretty! They all head into the waterfall, then everyone works together to get to the top — while Kenya and Matt raced to the top by themselves. Eyeroll. Who cares, Kenya? Just try and have fun with people.
It's now dinnertime and everyone is being civil for a change. This is weirding me out, so I'm waiting on the dysfunction to start. NeNe brings up the conversation she had with Phaedra and Kim. Sigh. Look, I understand wanting to help Kim out, but she's is an adult. NeNe needs to stop taking it upon herself to speak for people. Kim made it clear that she isn't interested, so just let it be! #TheBeatles. But I guess Kim is inspired by NeNe and tells Kenya that they either need to be civil or not talk at all. Also, she says that it's disrespectful for Kenya to be talking about her family. Sounds fair to me! Kenya is like, "I'm not willing to spend more effort" on the friendship. LOL. This is effort? Talking trash, calling someone a fake, and putting them down for having a boob job. Y'all, Kenya is one cuckoo bird and she needs to go twirl herself into a milk crate like she just got Hadoukend by Ryu during a game of Street Fighter. Still, as dumb as that comment is, Kenya apologizes and the two agree to move on and respect each other. Huh.
The next day, Cynthia praises NeNe for facilitating the conversation between Kim and Kenya, and then asks for help in addressing Kenya and their issues. Namely, how Kenya was butthurt about not being Cyn's best friend and not directing the commercial. Later that afternoon, everyone meets up for their last night in Jamaica. And it looks like Cynthia and Peter are back on track and very much in love. Guessing I stand corrected about them needing to get a divorce. Bob and Sheree seem to be heading towards reconciliation too. I never saw that coming, but Sheree seems open if Bob keeps stepping it up. I'm a romantic at heart, so I do hope they work it out! Then, Peter brings up the fact that Matt said he loves Kenya:
What the heck are you talking about?! Kenya is banana sandwich. Don't let the pretty and the vajeen blind you to that fact. Lawd! But before I can keep worrying about Matt, Cyn brings up the ’mercial and how it hurt her that Kenya wasn't being supportive. Kenya is still sad that she wasn't given an opportunity to pitch herself as the director. (She was, but she was too busy eyeing Matt, soooooo … work your priorities, boo!) Cyn moves past this broken record of an argument and says that she wanted Kenya to play the lead girlfriend in the ad. Kenya implies that NeNe came between the two of them and NeNe is not having it. Obviously. Thankfully, the discussion doesn't get derailed and Kenya apologizes completely for her behavior.
Alrighty, what did you think of tonight's episode? Do you think Kim and Kenya are capable of having no more drama between them? Let me know in the comment section below!