Hey, Togetherness heads! (Sorry, I don’t have a better nickname yet, but I’m open to suggestions.) When we last left off, Tina and Alex finally had it out with each other. She pretended she wasn’t jealous of his new girlfriend; he told her she broke his heart. It seems like he’s not as over her as he pretended to be. In “Everybody Is Grownups,” neither character can pretend anymore.
A lot of things come to light, it’s awkward for everyone, and I’m already counting down the hours until the next episode. God, I love this show. Let’s get to it, shall we?
We begin with Tina talking Larry’s ear off about whether or not she should go to Alex’s surprise party because there’s tension between them. How does Larry not suspect anything? I mean, I get it. When you’re fine as Peter Gallagher, you can be chill about your gal going on and on about another dude, but … c’mon, Lar! Care a little bit! Get a little jealous! It seems like he’s just happy being rich, with an adorable dog by his side and a hottie on his arm.
Anyway, Larry is like, “I have poker tonight with Tom Hanks, so I can’t come with you if you decide to go,” and I’m like, “Oh, okay. You’re hanging with America’s granddad.” If I were hanging with T. Hanks, I wouldn’t give a damn about anything else either. So he’s playing cards with Tom, and Tina says she’s going to stay home alone with the dog and watch TV.
Suuuure. We all know — even she knows — that she will take her nosy behind to that party. Especially when we see that she’s looking at Alex’s Facebook page. #NoJudgment. I Facebook stalk, too. Rock on, Tina!
Next up, we see Michelle having a get-together for the charter school and David shows up. Oh no. She can barely handle it. Michelle gets through her mini speech, then when she gets into her car to head home, David gets in too. She’s worried people will know what’s going; he wants to know why she isn’t responding to his texts. He’s sorry that their night together put pressure on her, but he says he isn’t going to back off because she’s married … BECAUSE HE LOVES HER.
This is super-heartbreaking. You can tell that their connection has woken something within Michelle, but I don’t think she loves him. She starts crying, then tells him that it’s over, so he needs to get out of her car. She heads home and sees Brett being cute with their kids. Okay, yes. This is where she needs to be. This is where she belongs. Brett is really stepping it up, so maybe Michelle can forget about the one-night stand.
That night, Tina rolls up to the party and sees everyone inside. Just as she’s about to leave, Brett sees her. He tells her to hurry up and get in the house before she blows the surprise. The party is going perfectly; Brett and Michelle are flirting up a storm. But he notices that Tina is feeling down and he thinks it’s because she thinks Alex is leaving her behind. Huh. Is everyone oblivious on this show? Tina is crazy in love with Alex. She doesn’t give a damn about his fame. Then a limo pulls up, so everyone gets in place. When Alex and Christy enter, he’s truly shocked by the surprise. Tina is sad that Christy is with him. Um, duh. Christy is his girlfriend. She gon’ be where he gon’ be.
Anyway, we cut to Tina asking Christy 1,001 questions about her life and Christy is like, “Well, what’s your job?” Because she has done nada with her life lately, Tina makes up some garbage excuse about her career. Christy hits below the belt by saying, “I love that you’re still in it at your age. That’s awesome.” This. Is. Awkward. Christy suggests everyone play a fun movie game, and I basically hide underneath my covers. Tina sucks at the game. (It’s really easy, too: Just name an actor who was in a popular movie that everyone has seen.) After that, the Tina train really gets going because she conveniently mentions that Larry is hanging with Tom Hanks and acts passive-aggressively toward Christy. They start to argue over whether or not Jennifer Grey was in Ferris Bueller’s Day Off. (Tina doesn’t think she was.) So, Michelle and Brett dip out while Tina makes a very uncomfortable $1,000 bet with Christy.
Michelle tells Brett that they’re not going to interfere with the Alex/Tina/Christy drama. Instead, the couple decides to bone while the party is going on. I LOVE THIS. They are the best they have ever been. I have never liked Brett more. He is finally done whining, and he’s hella attractive to his wife.
The party clears out, and Alex, Tina, and Christy are still there. Tina wants to sleep on the couch because she’s drunk, but Brett told Christy and Alex they can crash on the couch. When Alex offers to get Tina an Uber home, she refuses. Christy tried playing peacemaker: She says they can share one couch while Tina takes the other. No response on that, either — Tina just takes off her bra and flashes a boob at them. Then my covers are a-callin’ again because she tells Christy it’s no big deal, since Brett has seen her boobs before. Tina is the worst! Girl is not that drunk. She definitely knows what she is doing.
Then, Tina attacks Christy for allegedly treating her like crap. Alex has had enough and tells her to knock it off. She storms out of the house and he follows her. When he catches up to her, he says that she’s embarrassing herself; she says that she made him skinny and he lost his soul. She tells him to eff off. He goes, “Conversely, you haven’t changed one bit. You’re a tragic train wreck.” Oh no. That’s kind of true. But Tina laughs it off and they both say they don’t like each other. She gets in her car, drives off, and … crashes it into a tree. She’s physically okay, and gets out of the car. They stare each other down.
Y’all, I’m giving it three episodes before they hook up. The tension is too high and I think Christy is too aware of what’s going on. She won’t stay with a guy who still has feelings for someone else. But that’s not my favorite thing about her. This is: She’s a good person. Kudos to Togetherness for not making her a miserable person, so that viewers would automatically ship Tina and Alex. Christy may be young and a little flighty, but she’s happy to be dating a guy who treats her well. From what we’ve seen so far, it seems like she treats him pretty nicely as well.
And even though I think Christy should move on, I don’t think Tina and Alex are ready to be together yet. Tina is an aimless disaster. Alex is different now, too. He is less humble. He shows off his money. The fact that he took a limousine to his friend’s house is proof of that. The way he tried to call the shots on set last week proved that. The way that he “lost” his phone and got too busy to call Brett back … if that’s really your best friend, you have his number memorized. When your best friend is worried that his marriage is over, you don’t bail because you’re in a freakin’ movie. You make sure that your friend’s life does not end up in the garbage dump. So, yeah, I still want to ship Tina and Alex — Talex? Alina? — but they both need to get themselves together first. Moving on.
Elsewhere in the house, Michelle and Brett are having a great time together. He is so in love with her, so happy they are back in a good place. Michelle is relieved as well. Brett is like, “We are the 2.0 version of ourselves. No secrets, no b.s., no withholding.” They agree that they can overcome anything. Then, Michelle starts talking. Don’t do it, girl. “I’ve made a huge mistake,” she begins.
Don’t. Do. It. Girl.
She starts talking about the Sacramento trip* and admits that she slept with David. She says it meant nothing and it’s over. Brett’s reaction? He vomits in her lap. I laughed (unexpected vomit makes me laugh, sorry!); I cried. Is this really happening? Are Brett and Michelle done? Are Tina and Alex over before they even started? Damn it, Togetherness! Why isn’t it March 6 yet?
*Correction: An earlier version of this recap referred to San Diego instead of Sacramento.