The Real Housewives of Atlanta
Well, that’s another season of The Real Housewives of Atlanta in the books, and I have to say that this whimper of a finale encapsulates this season as a whole. Just like other episodes, “Who’s Been Naughty, Who’s Been Nice” had funny moments, serious moments, moments that seemed to promise interesting drama and then … nothing. When everything is put together, it’s not always that exciting to watch. Even NeNe’s return turned out to be far less eventful than expected. She has matured a lot and the same with Sheree. That means it was up to Kenya (and sometimes Porsha) to bring the fireworks, but neither have the “love to hate you” vibe or the personality of a Bethenny Frankel to balance their worst tendencies with a great sense of humor or something else that’s likable. Don’t get me wrong. I like RHOA and I definitely LOL’d and cried this season, but the truth is the show has lost its magic a little bit. Thankfully, the sneak preview for the reunion promises some juicy goodness. But let’s talk about tonight’s show first, shall we?
We open with Phaedra at home preparing a sweet-potato soufflé while she is on the phone with Dwight. DWIGHT! Remember how great he was back in the day? The two of them are planning an over-the-top naughty-or-nice Christmas party. And for some reason, Phae is going to clog at this event — and Chris, Kim’s husband, is going to teach her. Oooor, how about she not clog so people won’t have to lie to her and say she is great at clogging when she most certainly won’t be. Unfortunately, Porsha does not do this when she comes over and learns about this clogging business. Instead, she just does a …
And as we all know, Phaedra, the queen of in-your-face, is not one to pick up on subtlety, so clogging it is. They also talk about how the Feds went to Kandi AND Cynthia and Peter’s place to seize Apollo’s belongings. Phaedra seems eerily chill about it, so did she did call the Feds on them? If so, I guess there is no chance that she and Kandi will be besties again.
Speaking of Kandi, she and Todd go to visit his mom’s grave. Sharon passed away a year ago, which is already very sad and then we learn all his mom wanted was for them to get pregnant. Oof. Thankfully, there is a moment of levity when Kandi tells Todd that she might have to get a boob job after the baby because when kids are done breastfeeding, they leave boobs flat like pancakes with a raisin on it. First of all, eww. Second of all, if you put a raisin on your pancake, you can most certainly get the eff up out of my life. You do not ruin pancakes with healthy garbage like raisins. Thirdly, I did not know breasts got ravaged that much during breastfeeding. So maybe I don’t want to be a mom?
We catch up with Kenya. Matt comes over to deliver the two puppies she ordered online. They name them Kin and Twirl and that’s 30 seconds of my life I can’t get back. Anyway, Kenya brings up the Feds, but since Matt is as boring as a U-Haul box full of linens, he really has nothing contribute to this scene. Kenya says she was invited to Phaedra’s holiday party, so maybe she might do something interesting there?
Next, we catch up with Cynthia. She and Malorie are trying to get the house ready for the romantic evening Cyn has planned for Peter. She’s going to give him a sensual massage with a happy ending:
And just when we think we’re going to move on, the producers decide to show us so much of this scene. We see Peter come home and take off his clothes. We see them talk about the happy ending. We see Cyn get on top of him and talk about how excited he is. We watch as she lifts up the towel and moves her hand down his body.
Thankfully, the nightmare is over because Noelle walks down the hallway. Oops! Turns out Cyn forgot to make sure that Noelle and Leon were gone. They leave and Peter says that took the wind out of his sails a little bit. And I hope that is the last time I will ever have to hear about this man’s erection. In all seriousness, I am happy that Cyn and Peter have gotten it together. I did not think they were going to make it, but it appears they really have put in the effort to make their marriage stronger than ever, so kudos to them!
Porsha goes to her doctor to see if she’s all good to have a baby. She had fibroid surgery a while back, and even though she has small fibroids, they shouldn’t prevent her from getting pregnant when she’s ready to do that. Yay!
It’s the day of Phaedra’s holiday party and the venue looks like a Jo-Ann Fabrics queefed all over it, which is to say it looks exactly how Phaedra imagined. Sheree’s ex, Bob, arrives dressed as a Santa/pimp and it seems like they might rekindle things. Even the awkward conversation with Tammy can’t derail them. Bob says he never hooked up with Tammy, which is weird because why did he say he did? Anyway, more people arrive including Shamea and Porsha, who are basically wearing napkins and boots. Kandi, who is still unsure about Phaedra’s involvement with the Feds, also shows up.
Kenya comes to the party dressed as a sexy Grinch and starts talking to some of the girls about Kandi, Phaedra, and the Feds. Phaedra comes over and interrupts … but nothing happens. Again, Phaedra is pretty mum and she’s never quiet about anything, so I am 1,000 percent convinced that Phaedra definitely called. Oh boy. Hopefully, this gets hashed out in the reunion because their relationship is so tense. What a bummer. Anyway, the night ends with Phaedra doing a shaky job clogging, which is a perfect metaphor for this season. Adios to season eight!
Alrighty, what did you think of tonight’s season finale? Do you think Phaedra called the Feds?