Now that Nardwuar, our favorite Human Serviette, is thankfully fit as a fiddle following a stroke last December, he’s back to intimidating the crap out of rappers with his encyclopedic hip-hop knowledge. His latest victim: DJ Khaled, whose deepest mogul secrets — including that one time he lived with a girlfriend behind her father’s back, his busboy past, and his sister’s shoe store — Nardwuar managed to dig up, as usual. They don’t want you to know about DJ Khaled’s sex tape, but Nardwuar does. He also wants Khaled to know that life’s most major key to success is learning to embrace a woman’s period blood — something Khaled isn’t quite ready to do just yet, as evidenced by his reaction to holding a Perfect Pussy vinyl pressed with Meredith Graves’s menstrual blood. (Oh yeah, it’s real.) Don’t play yourself, Khaled.