Hey boos! I'm in D.C. today for work, so I'm writing you from a hostel. Normally when you hear the word "hostel," you think of six Slavic people sharing a room. Euros are super into that #HostelLife. However, I am not, so I requested a private suite. When I showed up, the manager was like, "It's a four-person private bedroom." I go, "That's not private if it's with three other people and I share a bathroom." He goes, "It's private, though."
In that moment, I cursed the Fallopian tubes this man surfed out of to be born, the 2 percent milk he drank as a child, the copy of Animal Farm that he read in high school, and the Magnum condoms he uses. (You must be packing something giant in those jeans if you're that idiotic.) I'm on a smelly futon in the living room right now, wearing Target leggings and holding a five-dollar bottle of H&M perfume that smells surprisingly good. This is, indeed, "The Glamorous Life" that Shelia E. sang about. Moving on!
Y'all how how much I already enjoy The Catch. Well, "The Benefactor" deepened my love of this slick, sudsy show. This week's episode finally raises the stakes — everything has been so smooth, it never felt like anyone was in real danger. It was a cutesy adventure, but that changed when the Benefactor arrived in town to collect the Larágan bracelet. I wasn't too scared of him at first because he's a blonder version of Martin Freeman from The Office, but by episode's end, I was really frightened. And I haven't even mentioned the FOUR sexy hookups. There's a lot to discuss, so let's get to it!
We open with Ben getting off the phone with Alice, who has the bracelet. Margot finds him and he says his bullet wound isn't serious, then they walk into their suit and see Felicity in bed with Rhys. We quickly learn he is Margot's brother. Uh, it's simultaneously trifling and impressive that Felicity is banging siblings. Now that Rhys is in town, Ben needs to get the bracelet back — he lies, saying it's hidden and he will go to retrieve it. When he's alone, he calls Alice again to get it back. She's drunk on power, wearing that mess at work. Alice, boo boo, this is dumb. She is also unfazed when he tells her that the people who want the bracelet are dangerous. I don't know why. Maybe because Ben is not violent, she thinks no one else is?
Over at Anderson & Vaughan, Sophie is apparently dating Agent Shawn, which just breaks poor Danny's heart. UGH. Shawn may be gorgeous, but I'm #TeamDanny. He's sweet, smart, handsome, and seems like he'd be a good boyfriend. Sophie needs to give Danny a chance. I mean, dating isn't like selling a sofa on Craigslist — you don't just accept the first offer because it's first. Soph, get it together. Anyway, she and Shawn are canoodling in front of Danny, but they're also discussing business. Turns out Shawn's friend in the Army, Nia (played by Orange Is the New Black's Samira Wiley, hooray!), needs their help. Nia is about to become the first-ever female Army Ranger and she's been getting harassed. Among other awful pressure, someone put a bullet hole in her dog tags and made a mock letter notifying her parents that she died in combat. She is clearly is not safe and wants help … but only to a certain extent. She just wants to know who is doing this, then she'll take care of the rest. Hmm, that does not sound like a good idea. Danny finds their first lead: First Lt. Evan Connors. Nia is hyped, but Danny tells her to calm down and find more evidence.
Back to the other side of town. Rhys claims he didn't just come to town for the bracelet. He wants to make peace with his sister. He asks her if she really thought she was going to be the Benefactor, seeing as how she's a lady and people don't like taking orders from women. Ew. Although some men may think this is true, it's ridiculous that Rhys is making Margot seem foolish for wanting to be in charge. He also mentions that he misses working with Ben — these two used to be Double Trouble before Margot entered the picture — and this makes me think Rhys is actually in town to reunite with his old partner. Speaking of partners, Margot is a little grossed out by Felicity hooking up with her brother, but she's not too upset because they have another make-out sesh. After that, she tells Ben that they need to stick together. See? Even she doesn't trust her own brother.
Dao shows up at Anderson and Vaughan and he's all like, "Lol. Sorry about bugging your house. Let's be friends."
This apology is trash, Dao. He knows it, but doesn't care. He came to tell the ladies that Ben stole that Larágan bracelet. Alice takes the bracelet off and sneaks away, then immediately calls Ben to return the bracelet to the consulate. That's when she's held up by Mickey Shive and and some woman we don't know. Without a gun, Alice somehow gets off the phone and takes care of these two baddies, but when Ben suddenly rolls up in his car, it creates enough of a distraction for the two to get the bracelet from Alice. YIIIIKES! Alice is mad as hell and wants to help Ben get the bracelet back with Dao's help, without Dao knowing he's helping. This sounds dangerous, y'all
After Margot hooks up with Felicity, she finds out that Rhys is trying to expand the empire to Africa, India, and the Middle East. He needs the bracelet as a bargaining chip, but naturally, he was never planning to tell Margot. Damn, this dude is shady. You know who else is shady? Evan! Nia, perhaps ignorantly, confronts Evan at a bar. Danny is there and tries to stop her, but it doesn't seem like Evan is behind the threats. Sure, he doesn't think Nia deserves her position, but that seems to be where it ends. Her brother Brian, who is also in the Army and happens to be at the bar, begs Nia to turn down. Evan says some more trifling mess and Danny punches him. Danny and Nia leave, he takes her home and it … seems … like … they … have … chemistry? Before anything cute can happen, they discover that her house has been vandalized — someone spray painted "You're gonna die bitch" on her wall. Nia should not handle this by herself.
Ben returns to Rhys and is like, "Mickey stole the bracelet," so the two men concoct a plan to get it back, which is exactly what Margot never wants to see happen. Alice finds out where Shive is from Dao, texts the location to Ben, then he and Rhys go to find him. While pretending to be cops, they pull Shive over and Rhys gets sick pleasure out of tasing the guy. Okay, that is not Martin Freeman-from-The Office behavior. And after Rhys finds out that Shive gave the bracelet to his boss, he kills him! WHOA! Ben is shocked. That was an unnecessary killing, and now I'm wondering if Rhys is more dangerous than he seemed.
Dao and the FBI discover the body. Turns out the bullets in Shive match the bullets that killed Natalie, the woman Dao loved. So Dao, who was already convinced that Ben is a killer, is even more certain now. Just as Val is on the phone, relaying this information to Alice, Alice walks into her bedroom to find Ben. She gets off the phone and him Ben. He's like:
Alice takes about 12 seconds to believe him. Who wouldn't? Ben is so cute and clearly in love with her. Although she's still a little unsure, she decides to team up. Their plan is inspired by the masterpiece forgery: They'll a fake bracelet, which Dao will find, freeing them up to steal the real one. Oh, damn! Alice is becoming a crook, y'all!
The next day, Danny and Alice check up on Nia and some dude Captain Todd is there. I'm not into this at all because it seemed like Nia and Danny hit it off. Dang! Danny can't get no love. But more important, all the evidence of the vandalism is gone. Todd cleaned up, but instead of throwing the evidence out, Alice notices that he put it in his car. What the hell?! This situation is getting shadier by the second, so Danny comes over with takeout to give Nia some peace of mind, but they also bone. YAAAAAAAS! Danny is too great to be out in these streets not getting any action. The next morning, Sophie calls him (awkward) and is like, "Where are you?" (awkward times seven), and then tells him that Todd is the one behind the threats. No! Todd is supposed to be Nia's homey! Even Nia can't believe it!
It's true, y'all! Brian has been working with Todd to try and terrify her into quitting the Army. WHAT. THE. HELL. Brian is all like, "I'm doing this to protect you because people don't want you in the Rangers and when you're out in combat, you're life is at risk." Yeah, no. Try having a gahtdamn conversation with your sister. Hell, have several. Doing this evil, messed-up stuff under the guise of "I'm trying to help you" is not okay. Nia is an independent woman who can make her own decisions. Alice basically says as much, and Nia decides to stay in the Rangers. Yes! She and Danny and have a cute good-bye; he says he loves badass women. Sophie sees them talking and gets jealous. Nope.com. Nope.gov. Nope.edu. Girl, you had your chance. You ignored Danny since day one, but now that he's getting some attention from kick-ass Army babe, you're upset? Sorry, take your cup of those feels and pour them down the drain. If you want Danny, stop letting Shawn take you to Outback Steakhouse.
Back to Margot. Now that she knows Rhys was planning to expand the syndicate, she makes him agree to forgive all their debt if she and Ben get the bracelet back. Rhys wants know how he knew about his plan, but Margot doesn't say. Uh-oh. Felicity, you're in danger!
Using the intel that Alice got from Dao, they know that Emeric Shive is leaving on a private jet. Alice dresses up as a flight attendant, drugs him, then swaps the bracelet with the fake one. Moments after she leaves the plane and puts on a coat, Dao arrives. He's suspicious about how easy it was to retrieve the bracelet. And I don't blame him. Why would someone drug Emeric and not take the bracelet? Alice and Ben only had a couple of hours to come up with this plan, but it's a little weak.
Anyway, Dao expresses his concerns to Val over a drink. They're flirting again, so maybe Val likes Dao? Yes, she does! In the next scene, they're boning. Margot and Felicity are also boning. Ditto for Alice and Ben. Meanwhile, I'm eating Entemann's donuts because carbs are a close second to sex, ya'll! Anyway, I'm happy about all these hookups, but also a little sad. Rhys is staying in L.A. a little longer, so he's putting Felicity in charge of his foreign affairs and she has to leave. Aww! They kiss good-bye and she leaves the room. Rhys catches her in the hallway and takes her to his room. Eww! She just slept with … oh. Oh, no. Rhys figured out that she told Margot about his business plans. He asks Felicity what else she knows. Felicity doesn't know much except for one name: Alice Vaughan. Rhys is like, "Great!" He Googles the name, gets some information, and … kills Felicity! NO! As the episode ends, Rhys mutters, "Hello, Miss Vaughan, how lovely to meet you."
Alrighty, what did you think of this episode? Anyone else scared of Rhys? What do you make of all these ships? I'm obviously digging Ben and Alice the most, but I'm also loving Valerie and Dao.