The latest trailer for the new season of Game of Thrones is here, which means it’s time to look it over with the reverent diligence of a Talmudic scholar. Ready? Put on your spoiler goggles, turn up the brightness of your screen (it’s a very dark trailer) and let’s go!
We begin with a shot from the first trailer, of Davos standing guard over Jon Snow’s body, preventing somebody (likely the Night’s Watch mutineers) from getting in. Do they want to burn the body so it doesn’t become a wight? Note that Davos has got Ghost in tow, which could be interesting if you read up on the theories of where Jon’s soul went after his death.
And here’s the man of the hour himself. Yup, still dead.
What’s happening with the Dothraki this season? If this shot is any indication, a bunch of them are about to get eaten by a dragon.
The shot directly preceding this one was the Dothraki ripping Daenerys’ clothes off. Tits and dragons, indeed.
Here’s Sansa aboard a war horse, talking about how badly she wants revenge against the Boltons. She looks ready to take it.
A shot of the Freys. Is this a flashback to the Red Wedding, or are these guys still partying it up? Three years later, you’d think they’d get better hats.
We’ve heard rumblings about a massive battle outside Winterfell this season, and this would appear to be the battlefield. In case you still weren’t aware that the Boltons were evil, they’re literally burning crosses here.
TFW she keeps suckin’ but you’re a eunuch.
Let’s play Game of Throne Clue! Euron Greyjoy, on a bridge, with the … Faceless Man?
For book fans, here’s our look at the Tower of Joy flashback, featuing one unlucky Northman getting run through by a particularly rabid Targaryen soldier. Personally I would have preferred Kingsguard armor but I am aware that complaining about it would make me among the worst people in the world.
Speaking of the Kingsguard, Ser Robert Strong is ready for his close-up.
Yara Greyjoy is back, which fits with other indications that we’re getting some version of the Kingsmoot storyline this year. The good news — there don’t appear to be any dogs around.
There’s a lot going on in this shot of Jamie and the Tyrell soldiers confronting the Faith Militant, but our absolute favorite bit is Mace Tyrell’s helmet. Such magnificent plumage!
None of these guys are wearing extravagant feathers on their heads. Swipe left.
This is Arya Stark, going all Crouching Tiger in the House of Black and White.
Hooray, these guys are back. Can’t wait for all the nuanced, interesting action they bring to the scene.
Brienne and Pod have stopped waiting for that candle to be lit, and now they’ve headed south. From the looks of that Tully banner, they’re in Riverrun. But on whose side?
The Faith Militant are almost as boring as the Sons of the Harpy, but as long as they’re being smashed by FrankenGregor, I’ll watch.
More from the Winterfell battle. From what we saw in the first trailer, this appears to be Bolton soldiers forming a shield wall against an army of Wildlings. Or, judging from the sigils on the flags, could they just be a particularly rabblesome group of Northmen? Either way, check the background — are those giants?
Podrick relaxes at a Lannister camp site, unaware that he’s about to be snatched up from behind. This shot was in among a bunch of very dramatic ones in the trailer, but on its own, it’s almost a comedy shot, like something out of Newsradio. Hopefully our hunch is correct and this is just comical hijinx, which means that he’s all right! (He probably is not all right.)
Speaking of giants, here’s one breaking down a gate. Maybe at Winterfell?
Finally, we’ll close with this shot of a dragon shooting flames in Meereen’s catacombs. From context, it seems likely he’s aiming for Tyrion, but why? Is he attempting to re-enact part of [character redacted]’s book plot? If so, let’s hope it ends differently for him.