How Every NYC TV Character Would Vote in the New York State Primary

Photo-Illustration: Kelly Chiello and Photos by Getty Images

In a recent episode of Broad City, our heroes Abbi and Ilana spent a day volunteering for their chosen candidate in this year's presidential primaries. That candidate turned out to be Hillary Clinton, a fact that led some people to wonder if the fictional Ilana, a big-eyed dreamer if ever there was one, might actually support Bernie Sanders instead. (There was no suggestion that Abbi and Ilana, young college-educated white women who live in New York's outer boroughs, might be Republicans.) Ultimately, it was a pointless debate: In Broad City canon, Abbi and Ilana are Hillary supporters. But what about the other characters on television who haven't yet taken an official position in the rare New York primary that matters? Well, that's what we're here to find out. Below, find our best guesses for the political positions of the dozens of characters who have called New York home over the years. There were only two qualifications necessary: You had to be conceivably alive in 2016 (sorry, Lucy and Desi) and you had to live in New York State (sorry, Tony Soprano — though, come to think of it, that last one might have applied to him, too).

Ross: Hillary
Phoebe: Bernie
Rachel: Hillary
Chandler: Hillary
Monica: Kasich (secretly)
Joey: Trump

Jerry: Hillary
Elaine: Hillary
Kramer: Can't vote; declared legally dead, don't ask.
George: Registered as a Republican in 1976 to impress a pretty Reagan volunteer; too lazy to change it.

30 Rock
Liz: Hillary
Jack: Mulling a third-party run
Tracey: Bernie
Jenna: Ted Cruz, but only because she's always had a bit of a crush on the Zodiac Killer.

Mad Men
Peggy: Hillary
Everyone else: Dead

Hannah: Hillary
Marnie: Hillary
Shoshanna: Bernie
Jessa: Bernie
Adam: Bernie
Fran: Hillary
Ray: Bernie
Desi: Bernie
Donald Glover's character: Kasich

Gossip Girl
Chuck: Trump
Serena: Bernie
Blair: Hillary
Dan: Bernie
Nate: Hillary

Sex and the City
Carrie: Hillary
Miranda: Hillary
Samantha: Hillary
Charlotte: Hillary
Big: Trump
Aiden: Hillary
Steve: Bernie
Harry: Hillary
Berger: Bernie
Stanford: Hillary

The Law & Order Universe
Det. Lennie Briscoe: Hillary
Det. Mike Logan: Kasich
Det. Olivia Benson: Hillary
Det. Elliot Stabler: Kasich
Capt. Donald Cragen: Abstaining
Det. Phil Cerreta: Trump
Lt. Anita Van Buren: Hillary
Det. Rey Curtis: Cruz
Det. Ed Green: Bernie
Det. John Munch: Bernie
Det. Fin Tutuola: Trump
Det. Robert Goren: Hillary
Det. Alexandra Eames: Hillary
ADA Ron Carver: Hillary
DA Jack McCoy: Hillary
ADA Abbie Carmichael: Kasich
ADA Serena Southerlyn: Hillary
ADA Connie Rubirosa: Hillary
ADA Michael Cutter: Kasich
DA Nora Lewin: Hillary
DA Arthur Branch: Trump
ADA Alex Cabot: Hillary
ADA Casey Novak: Hillary
ADA Rafael Barba: Hillary

How I Met Your Mother
Ted: Bernie
Marshall and Lily: Hillary
Barney: Trump
Robin: Cruz

Mr. Robot
Elliot: Actually is Bernie Sanders.

The Nanny
Fran: Bernie
Mr. Sheffield: Can't vote; too British.

Two Broke Girls
Both broke girls: Bernie

The Mindy Project
Mindy: Trump
Danny: Cruz

The Affair
Noah: Hillary
Allison: Hillary
Helen: Hillary
Cole: Cruz

Axe: Cruz
Chuck: Tells people he's voting for Bernie, secretly voting for Hillary.

Brooklyn Nine-Nine
Det. Jake Peralta: Bernie
Det. Rosa Diaz: Cruz
Det. Amy Santiago: Hillary
Sgt. Terry Jeffords: Trump
Det. Charles Boyle: Trump
Gina Linetti: Trump
Capt. Ray Holt: Trump

Cookie: Hillary
Lucious: Trump
Andre: Trump
Jamal: Hillary
Hakeem: Doesn't know there's an election.

Sherlock: Can't vote; too British.
Joan: Hillary

The Real World: New York
Heather B: Bernie
Norman: Bernie
Becky: Hillary
Kevin: Abstaining (it's canon!)
Julie: Kasich
Andre: Bernie
Eric: Bernie

Will and Grace
Will: Hillary
Grace: Hillary
Jack: Bernie
Karen: Trump

Master of None
Dev: Hillary, and he wants you to know it.
Brian: Hillary
Denise: Hillary
Arnold: Bernie
Rachel: Having too much fun in Japan to fill out an absentee ballot.

The Marvel Television Universe
Matt Murdock: Cruz
Karen Page: Hillary
Foggy Nelson: Bernie
Jessica Jones: Proudly abstaining
Trish Walker: Hillary
Luke Cage: Hillary
Wilson Fisk: Can't vote, but you don't wanna know how much he's given Hillary in speaking fees.
Kilgrave: Was planning on making hundreds of people vote for Trump, for a laugh.

Orange Is the New Black
Larry: Hillary
Fig: Hillary
Caputo: Kasich
Healy: Trump
Current inmates: Can't vote.

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
Kimmy: Hillary, despite her inexperience.
Titus: Writing in himself.
Jacqueline: Trump
Lillian: Bernie

Louie: Hillary
Pamela: Trump

Julia: Hillary
Karen: Bernie
Ivy: Hillary
Derek: Can't vote; too British.
Eileen: Hillary
Tom: Hillary
Carpet: Bernie

Felicity: Bernie, then went back in time to vote for Hillary.
Ben: Bernie
Noel: Hillary

Sports Night
Dan: Hillary (it's canon!)
Casey: Bernie
Dana: Hillary
Isaac: Hillary
Jeremy: Bernie
Natalie: Hillary

Dave: Bernie
Lisa: Hillary
Jimmy James: Serving as a prominent Trump surrogate in the hopes of receiving a cabinet position.
Matthew: Bernie
Beth: Bernie
Joe: Cruz
Catherine: Hillary

Living Single
Khadijah: Hillary
Synclaire: Bernie
Max: Hillary
Kyle: Hillary
Obie: Bernie
Régine: Trump

The Norman Lear Universe
Archie Bunker: Dead, but wrote in Trump his last four ballots.
Gloria Stivic: Hillary
Michael Stivic: Bernie
Joey Stivic: Trump
Louise Jefferson: Hillary
Lionel Jefferson: Bernie
Maude Findlay: Hillary

The Good Wife
Everyone: At the last minute, remembers they're actually supposed to be in Chicago.