Every small American town has their own quaint traditions. If you ever stop by Nick Offerman’s hometown of Minooka, Illinois, be sure to pop in for some cinnamon fritters at the Shrimp Barn, have your dog spayed or neutered at a very reasonable price at K9 Paw Print, and, of course, take a trip to the local library to have your retinas scorched away by lasers. Stephen Colbert and Nick Offerman perused the community bulletin from Minooka last night and it looks like there is a lot going on, especially for anyone hoping to have their eyes boiled like eggs by a dazzling array of lasers. Hey, Minooka spent all this money on lasers. What are they supposed to do, not blind library patrons with them? Grow up.