There isn’t much room for romance in the Marvel Cinematic Universe — this is a film franchise that’s necessarily more dedicated to making war than love — but why should that get in the way of what I want, which is for two of its heroes to smooch? One is a synthetic being with a fondness for sweaters and a face colored like red cabbage; the other is an alliance-shifting, vowel-swallowing health goth who can use her powers to float above the ground. If the studio knows what is good for them, these characters will begin hooking up immediately. Marvel, I’m gonna need for Vision and Wanda to kiss.
Admittedly, their pairing does not make for a good portmanteau (“Vanda” gives me Ally McBeal vibes and “Wasion” sounds too much like an app), and I can’t fathom what their children would look like (assuming magic women and robo-men can even reproduce), but this romance, which is rooted in the comics, has begun to blossom in unusual and enticing ways over the last two Marvel team-ups. Vision wasn’t even born until Avengers: Age of Ultron, but Wanda seemed kinda into him from the jump, and when he came to rescue her near the end of the movie, he levitated the emotionally wounded Scarlet Witch into the air in a swoon-worthy maneuver I like to call the Lois-and-Superman special. I was delighted to find that the two of them remain scene partners in Captain America: Civil War, where Vision fusses about in the kitchen making meals for Wanda, while Wanda telekinetically slams Vision through several layers of the Earth’s crust, which is what you do when you like someone.
Credit must be given to Elizabeth Olsen and Paul Bettany, who manage to find actual people (well, in Vision’s case, semi-people) beneath all the makeup and superheroics. In their own way, they’re like Marvel’s deranged version of a Jane Austen coupling: She’s the one who’s rightly skeptical of most relationships, while he initially appears remote but proves to have a beating heart somewhere beneath that vibranium-coated breastplate. They’re practically made for each other, even though he’s loyal to Tony Stark and she pushes him away to go fight at Captain America’s side. Still, their warring is forgivable, even as their chemistry becomes literally combustible. As Shakespeare once said, “the course of true love never did run smooth when you’re fighting alongside Spider-Man and Falcon at an airport in Berlin.”
Now, there is a kiss in Civil War, but it doesn’t involve these two. Instead, that smooch happens between Captain America and Sharon Carter, the relationship equivalent of broth. Who asked for this? Did I miss all the articles called “Hey Marvel, It's Time For Steve Rogers to Kiss a Beige Curtain”? The only provocative thing about this milquetoast screen pairing is that Steve and Sharon consummate their mild interest in each other mere screen minutes after the funeral for her Aunt Peggy, which is ice-cold and made even weirder when Steve forces best pals Bucky and Sam to watch, just so they don’t get the wrong idea. I’m not sure what turns Steve on, but if it’s this unusually specific scenario where he macks on the niece of his freshly dead true love as his best buddies gawk, thank God it’s something he can only do once.
Marvel, push this screen pairing away and walk into the light with Wanda and Vision! Even their fellow Avengers are rooting for them: At Civil War's recent New York City premiere, my colleague Jennifer Vineyard told Sebastian Stan that she was hoping Vish and Wan would kiss, and he confessed, “I was, too!” Chadwick Boseman concurred; in fact, during the production of Civil War he even asked more in-the-know Marvel folks whether Vision was into kissing. “Scarlet Witch could teach him,” he suggested. “That would be an interesting scene. Ah, man.” Indeed, Chadwick Boseman. Indeed.
Neither Vision nor Wanda is likely to pop up in any of the one-off adventures we’ve got coming soon, so we’ll likely pick up their burgeoning relationship in Avengers: Infinity War - Part 1, coming in May of 2018. That is plenty of time for the pair to put away their Civil War differences and learn to French. So hear my cry, Marvel: Let's see these two Avengers assemble to amorous ends.