The Real Housewives of Dallas Recap: LeeAnne and Tiffany Hit a Rough Patch

Stephanie Hollman. Photo: Bravo
The Real Housewives of Dallas

The Real Housewives of Dallas

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner? Season 1 Episode 5
Editor's Rating 3 stars

Hey boo boos! I expressed my concern about The Real Housewives of Dallas last week, and unfortunately, those concerns haven’t gone away. If RHOD gets a second season, there will definitely be some cast changes — I love Cary, but she and her hubby are far too sensible for this show. This bizarre preoccupation with everyone trying to outdo each other on the charity front will have to shift elsewhere, and if the show is going to do epic fights, then it needs to take its cues from its sister shows in Atlanta and New York. The showdown between LeeAnne and Tiffany starts out rather exciting, but just ends up being a Full House after-school special. BOO! Anyway, let’s get to it, shall we?

We pick up right where last week’s episode left off: with LeeAnne unnecessarily cussing out Stephanie, then storming out of the cocktail party while all the other women made this face at her gross display of ignorance:

LeeAnne’s outburst is completely ludicrous, but perfect for TV, so carry on, girl! And that’s exactly what she does. She’s cursing up a storm, screaming about how she’s done with all of them. Tiffany follows after her and is like, “Da. Fuq.” LeeAnne ignores her bestie, flips her off, but Tiffany ain’t having it, catches up to LeeAnne and gets in her face. LeeAnne is like, “You coordinated that whole thing.” Oh lord, does this woman not know how reality TV works? Of course Tiffany secretly hoped that something would pop off. However, I think she only expected some shade to be thrown. The glass breaking, the alcohol throwing, and the screaming? That’s all you, LeeAnne. No one forced you to be a garbage person in that moment, so don’t take it out on your BFF. And, don’t claim she doesn’t have your back! Tiffany is the only person in Dallas who puts up with your trifling behavior every day, so how dare you claim that she isn’t there for you? Tiffany is livid about this accusation and she shoves LeeAnne, saying how she defends her whenever people start trash-talking Miss Locken. And even though Tiffany is being slightly over the top, I’m happy she’s standing up for herself because it’s clear she minces words with LeeAnne most of the time. LeeAnne is fed up, refuses to talk around the cameras, shoves one of the cameras away, and then walks to her car. Yikes.

Tiffany goes back to the party. While all the women try to cheer up Stephanie, Tiffany apologizes to everyone for what happened, then they all peace out. The next day, Stephanie and Travis get ready to celebrate their seventh anniversary and he turns down his douche meter to console her: “LeeAnne is just trying to get to you because Brandi isn’t responding.” Ding, ding, ding! He’s hitting the nail on the head right there. So they get dressed up and head out in the same Rolls Royce they rented for their wedding — Travis tracked it down and bought it as part of her anniversary present. I’m not a car person, so I’m like … okay … cool. The gesture is nice; it’s just that they are very materialistic and he treats her like a child, so this doesn’t seem super romantic. Moving on.

LeeAnne downloads Rick on what happened with her and Tiffany last night. She claims she said nothing to Tiff and Tiff just flew off the handle for no reason:

Rick knows this is a bunch of bull. LOL. Then we cut to Tiffany with her Keith Urban bae and he’s pretending like he’s not too grown to be talking about a fight so foolish. The two women haven’t talked yet and they’re worried because they’re going to see each other later at the clothing drive for the Grace Project. Don’t be, y’all! This is being filmed. Y’all will talk soon enough and more drama will unfold.

The women show up to the clothing drive and … yeah, it’s awkward as hell. They keep walking around each other, not saying a word. Oh dear. They peace out. On her drive home, she leaves LeeAnne a voicemail and says she wants to talk.

We catch up with Brandi on mom duty as she gets ready to meet her grandfather. So exciting! You know who is not excited? Bryan. He’s traveling for work, but promises to make an appearance to meet him. I’m sorry, but he is wack. This is a huge moment in Brandi’s life! Her family is repairing a broken link and he’s like, “I guess I’ll show up.” Screw you, dude.

Travis is about to get screwed because he takes Steph to de Boulle, a fancy-pants jewelry store where he buys her a $70,000 bracelet. Holy crap. I’ve never made that much money in one calendar year. Even though I’m not a diamonds gal, the bracelet is stunning. Aaaaaaand then, the moment is ruined because she says in the confessional, “Travis will buy me anything if it will make me happy.” THINGS DON’T MAKE PEOPLE HAPPY, YA DUMB B! You know what would probably make you happier? If your husband started treating you like an equal. But what the hell do I know?

What’s going on with Cary this episode? Not a whole lot. She’s being sensible, hanging with her family, and giving her husband Botox injections. Oh, he also buys her another designer dress to make up for the dress that got ruined when LeeAnne threw her drink. I almost barfed during the Botox scene because needles freak me out, so let’s move on, ’kay?

Brandi’s grandparents John and Carol come over to visit. It’s really sweet. They’re jazzed to meet their great-grandkids. Brandi and John get along really well, considering this is the first time they’ve met. Brandi says she’s going to have a cookout that weekend and John and Carol are going to come. This is when Bryan is supposed to meet them. Bryan is supposed to do a lot of things, but as we learn during Brandi and Stephanie’s conversation, he is not romantic. Example: For Brandi’s 30th birthday, he got her a basket of her 30 favorite things … and included ketchup and ranch dressing. LOL. WUT? Is there a bigger turnoff then a bae buying you a bottle of Hidden Valley ranch dressing? If a dude did that to me, my response would be, “Soooo, I guess this is your roundabout way of telling me you never want me to touch your peen again. Get outta my face.” Brandi is a better person than me, I suppose.

Now it’s time for LeeAnne and Tiffany’s lunch. What’s going to happen?! Oh wait. LeeAnne arrives, immediately apologizes for her bad behavior, and the two women say they love each other. That’s it?! That’s not how Housewives is supposed to work! People don’t behave reasonably on these shows. Also, why the hell did the editors build up this whole situation only to have it resolved so easily? I feel duped. This was a waste of time.

The episode ends with the family gathering at Brandi’s BBQ. Everyone is at the house, waiting for Bryan’s arrival. He’s flying in that day. Stephanie and the kids come over, too; I love how Steph and Brandi are always there for each other. Anyway, a bunch of time passes and Stephanie calls Travis to see when he’s heading over. He says he’ll be there in five minutes. She asks him what he’s doing and he says he’s finishing up golf with Bryan and having a drink. Stephanie tells this to Brandi, who can barely hide her heartbreak. WHAT. THE. FUCK? Honestly, Bryan is being so disrespectful. First of all, not telling your wife that you’re back in town is gross. Second, going out for drinks with a friend instead of coming home to your family first is ignorant. Third, avoiding this important occasion, in which Brandi’s family comes together for the first time in her life, is disgusting. And fourth, showing up drunk and not even making an effort to talk to John is just rude and hurtful. Bryan sucks. I hope Brandi leaves his mean ass because this is unacceptable behavior. If you care about your significant other, you should be there for them. The fact that Stephanie is more present in Brandi’s life than Brandi’s own damn husband speaks volumes. He’s hot garbage and Brandi deserves better. No one should be alone in a relationship.

Alrighty, what did you think of tonight’s episode? Are you as fed up with Bryan as I am? Do you also feel like the LeeAnne/Tiffany fight was a whole lot of nothing?

RHOD Recap: LeeAnne and Tiffany Face Off