Diamonds are forever. Gastrointestinal issues are for today. Before the premiere of Maya and Marty, someone saw this photo of Melania Trump and thought, Hey! There’s a premise for a sketch! Thus, Maya Rudolph chowed down on loads of sugar crystals, all with the help of Kate McKinnon’s Heidi Cruz. But where was Cecily Strong’s Melania? And why didn’t we get a standoff between Melania and Melania? First one to eat your net worth wins.