In these turbulent times, when so much about our future is uncertain, today’s Valerian panel at Comic-Con brought some good news: In the 28th century, at least we’ll still have Rihanna.
Luc Besson’s expensive new space opera, based on the French comic series Valérian and Laureline, stars Dane DeHaan and Cara Delevingne as interstellar special agents roaming throughout the universe to negotiate with good aliens and blast the evil ones into goo. The footage we saw today was colorful, creative, and more than a little dorky, but if you like your sci-fi to have the outlandish creativity Besson brought to The Fifth Element, there’s plenty here to pique your interest.
But amidst all the action scenes Besson showed us — including one desert chase scene seemingly pulled out of John Carter, where our heroes are chased by a dangerous, bloodthirsty Woola — one sequence was the clear standout. In it, a spacesuit-clad DeHaan visits one futuristic city’s red-light district, where all sorts of seductive aliens bat their eyes at him. Still, DeHaan knows exactly what he wants, zeroing in on a brothel run by Ethan Hawke, who swans toward DeHaan adorned in fluorescent fabrics and a Jane Child nose-ring chain. Linklater, this ain’t.
Giving us his best take on Chris Tucker’s flamboyant Fifth Element performance, Hawke asks DeHaan what kind of girl he’s in the mood for. “Retro,” says DeHaan, and fortunately, Hawke has just the thing: He sits the spaceman down for a private show as a bowler-clad performer appears on stage, straddling a chair.
The woman turns to the camera, and thank the heavens above, it’s fucking Rihanna.
(Sexy space Rihanna, y’all!)
Serving up a Sally Bowles look, Velma Kelly glamour, and Rihanna Rihanna-tude, Space Rihanna gets ready to slay her dance number … and then the clip cuts out. I’m not sure if it’s against the law to get us all hot and bothered for an interstellar Space Rihanna sequence, only to halt the clip before it really gets going, but hopefully some lawyers will elucidate in the comments whether Besson can be tried at the Hague for this.
According to DeHaan, he spent two weeks working on the scene with Rihanna, and when he told his friends the spoiler-filled details about what she ends up doing in the film, their jaws dropped. “You guys don’t even know,” he warned. “Rihanna’s part is so crazy.” Valerian comes out next summer, but now that we have #spacerihanna to look forward to, the future looks just a little bit brighter.