Jessica Chastain killed Osama Bin Laden, and she's not about to put up with you noobs. Variety reports that Chastain is in talks to star in The Division, an adaptation of the Ubisoft game, which already stars Jake Gyllenhaal. The game is set in a dystopian New York in the aftermath of a smallpox epidemic. "A video-game movie? More like Zero Dork Thirty," say Jessica Chastain's childhood enemies. "I was nominated for an Oscar," says Jessica Chastain, before slipping on her Zero Dark Thirty aviators and blinding everyone in a 300-foot radius with cool.
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