Many of us would love to believe that our parents have never had sex, but Melissa McCarthy really did — thanks to the Olympics. A red-faced McCarthy shared a foolhardy tale from her youth on Thursday’s Conan, explaining that her Catholic parents were very tight-lipped when it came to s-e-x. So, when McCarthy was in fifth grade, and it became clear to her friends that she was still in the dark, the cruel horde opted not to fill her in, instead asking McCarthy to venture an explanation. Her answer? While getting into the details would be vulgar, her parents had absolutely, positively never had sex, and she knew this to be true because her dad couldn’t do the Chinese splits. Apparently, McCarthy thought sex involved a lot of perpendicular angles and even more scooching. Here’s hoping McCarthy’s mom and pop fudged setting the DVR for this one.