If the latest American Horror Story trailers are to be believed, Ryan Murphy is going scorched earth with season six. Soon, literally any terrifying thing you could possibly think of will have its own teaser. Pitchfork covered in molten tar? You got it. Lady with a mouth for a face? You better believe she’s coming. Spiders crawling out of your goddamn mouth? Unfortunately, they’ve RSVPed to the party and promised to bring dessert or a side. With two weeks left before the show’s premiere, American Horror Story is really going whole hog, which is something else that will probably pop up in a teaser before then. Peruse the teasers below and see which ones send shivers up your spine, which of course is also covered in spiders.
First we see smoke billowing out of a farmhouse in the shape of this season’s mysterious question-mark-like symbol. Subtle, but never a great sign.
Then, a Children of the Corn–style family advances through some sort of dust storm. Neat!
Someone gets some painful head-stapling.
This mobile is not recommended for children of any age.
Proof that stairs are inherently terrifying. Dogs everywhere will feel so gratified.
This creepy-crawly bug is kind of cute, we guess?
Running away is strongly advised.
Oh my God, turn on some lights, woman!
This looks like a fever dream after getting a painful root canal.
Bend and snap.
“Blind Date” goes the farthest afield of the other teasers by turning AHS into a B-movie creature feature.
Why have one inanimate wicker man, when you can have a crew of rampaging wicker men?
If there’s one thing we’ve learned from this pile of teasers, it’s that Ryan Murphy really likes wheat.
The nod to AHS season one, which reminds us that all six seasons are somehow connected.
Functioning eyeball in a woman’s mouth? Can’t see why not! Probably because the spiders have crawled over your eyes!
If you don’t want to get all the dust in your dilapidated farmhouse on your suffocating monster, just toss a sheet over him/her/it.
It wouldn’t be a rural tale of terror without some children in the corn.
One of the show’s most recent teasers seems like a waste of a perfectly good pitchfork. Plus that guy can’t be in great shape either.
At first you think, “Oh, a horrible hair-covered bathtub. I can handle that.” This ain’t your first New York apartment, baby. Well, unless you lived with some kind of monster lady.
The itsy bitsy spider climbed up the poor man’s back.
So, what’s our theme? It could be AHS: Farmhouse, but that seems incredibly on the nose. AHS: Back Country? AHS: Texas Chainsaw Massacre? Or the simple elegance of AHS: American Gothic? Show creator Ryan Murphy first acknowledged at San Diego Comic-Con in 2015 that the whole Horror Story universe is indeed connected, and some have speculated that the ghoul hand in this latest set of teasers could belong to Michael, the baby that Jessica Lange’s character absconded with way back at the end of season one. Could that, then, mean the return of Lange? Expect to learn more when we see a full-length trailer. Until then, avoid wandering into swaths of grain, just to be safe.
This post has been updated throughout.