Amy Schumer Has a Bawdy Story About Sir Patrick Stewart

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Amy Schumer gives good speech. Remember her inspirational speech at the Gloria Awards? Or her Glamour speech, in which she said she weighs "160 pounds and can catch a dick whenever [she] wants"? Well, you can tuck this little gem into the archives: Schumer accepted the award as British GQ's Woman of the Year ("Thank you for calling me a woman!") and went on to discuss a myriad of topics including her pending relevance (kidding!) and the many times Patrick Stewart came all over her tits (kidding!). Then she finishes it all off by explaining what the saddest shelf in the world is. Phew, can we get a drag of that cigarette?