My esteemed colleagues of the Ministry of Magic, my name is Draco Malfoy and I speak to you today in opposition to Resolution 392, which seeks to tear down the Death Eater monuments erected during the Second Wizarding War. Many of you see these statues depicting Wizards and Witches sitting on thrones resting atop crushed muggles, and see nothing but hatred. While it is true some Death Eaters have co-opted these historical symbols to propagate animosity toward the magically-challenged, to my family and many others, it is our heritage.
These Death Eater monuments are the legacy of my grandfather. And my father. And me. We all fought in the Second Wizarding War. Together we slew dozens at the Battle of Hogwarts. Now that the war is done, these statues depicting giant snakes tearing apart Harry Potter are our history. And they should be preserved accordingly.
Claims that the war was about muggle subjugation miss the broader economic and social machinations that brought the two sides into conflict. Death Eater detractors claim that the Death Eater motto “Magic is Might” suggests those who can’t do magic are weak and deserve to be ruled. But might is also security. Security is protection. Protection is love. Love is family. Magic is all these things. And that’s all the Death Eaters ever wanted to persevere: Love and Family. And that’s what these Death Eater statues stand for today.
While many wizards and witches died during this terrible civil war, both sides should be able to blamelessly honor their heroes, regardless of who “won” and independent of which side recent history has deemed was “in the right” or whether anyone “objectively fought for an evil cause.” Just this morning I passed the statute of renowned Death Eater werewolf general Fenrir Greyback. As I admired the way in which the chiseled granite captured General Greyback flaying the skin from terrified muggles, I grew sickened by the notion that this art could callously be destroyed because it may offend some sensitive souls.
I ask you all calling for the destruction of these historical Death Eater monuments to take a moment and empathize. Just because we pine for a failed rebellion, are we not all still patriotic brothers? Are our heroes who fought and tried to kill your heroes not equally all our heroes? Isn’t Thomas Riddle, known to some as Lord Voldemort, worthy of having his face forever plastered on a mountain, inspiring and terrorizing all who look upon it? This project actually hasn’t been completed. We’re calling it “Bone Mountain” and it’s going to be terrific.
All I know is that I love this Wizarding World. I love the Wizarding World that would have thrived under Lord Voldemort’s pure vision more, but it did not come to pass. So I beseech you: Don’t destroy my heritage. Don’t destroy the symbols of my culture. Don’t confuse heritage with hate.
I would like to use my remaining time to also comment on the so-called Wand Control bill also being considered today. I know many of you are frightened of the new Avada Kedavra 47 wand, capable of firing 47 curses a minute. Even though this has upgraded the wand’s killing capacity by some 4700%, our forewizards believed in the right to bear wands and you will pry mine from my cold dead fingers, THE DEATH EATERS WILL RISE AGAIN!
Ahem. Thank you.
Mike Jungman is a writer, comedian, and lawyer. He lives in Brooklyn and takes the Q or B train into Manhattan.
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