The Big Brother Cast Just Learned Trump Won the Election, Would Like to Stay in Their Isolated Surveillance Bunker, Thanks

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Julie Chen Photo: Sonja Flemmiing/CBS

While you, your entire family, your dog, and the nation's makers of comfort foods obviously knew fairly quickly who the next president of the United States would be, a small group of people were shielded from that information — that is, until yesterday. The cast of Big Brother: Over the Top just learned that Trump won when host Julie Chen informed them on November 10, at which point, "some of the six reality stars gasped while others sat in stunned disbelief." And then, like all of us, they rapidly went through the stages of grief, from denial to anger, and even bargaining: "Can we just stay here for the next four years?" asked housemate Jason Roy. Would that we all could hide in a house away from the media forever, Jason. Would that we all could.

And, as if we don't have enough reasons to blame reality stardom for our current predicament, Us Weekly also casually mentions that "the cast [...] have been playing the game since September and didn't get the chance to vote." Not even an absentee ballot? Really? Who knows what those six votes might have done, America. Or, to spin it positively, as housemate Morgan Willett did: "A reality TV star is our president. Well, I guess we can be president."