Real-life humans were never meant to metabolize as much food and coffee as Rory and Lorelai Gilmore down on Gilmore Girls. It’s simply inhuman. But as the Netflix revival will arrive just after Thanksgiving, when we all have nothing to do but eat, sleep, and avoid our families, we figure that it’s worth trying out a Gilmore lifestyle, if only for a single six-hour stretch. So, to enhance your pleasure while watching A Year in the Life, we’ve put together a Gilmore Girls drinking game. Play with coffee, or Irish coffee, or — if you’re more of an Emily fan — some expensive wine. Oh, and because you never want to drink while hungry, be sure to line your stomach with plenty of turkey beforehand, deep-fried or otherwise.
Every time Lorelai makes a pop-culture reference you don’t get: Take a delicate little sip.
When Rory looks like she doesn’t know how to hold an everyday object: Sip once, ever so carefully. (We do not recommend trying to hold your cup like she does.)
Every time Lorelai makes a pop-culture reference you actually get: Drink once, in celebration.
When Rory talks about her career and you get the sinking suspicion she might not be a very good journalist: Drink once, to numb the pain.
Every time Emily talks about money: Drink once, even if the reference is oblique.
Whenever Kirk describes a new job: Drink once.
Every time someone talks about Yale: Drink once. Boola Boola!
If Taylor tries to enforce a Stars Hollow tradition: Drink once, as is tradition.
Every time Luke refuses service to someone in his diner: Drink once. Also, turn off your damn phone!
Whenever Paris makes someone cry: Drink once in sympathy, and then once again, because they probably deserved it.
Every time Logan calls Rory “Ace”: Chug, because ugh.
Whenever Jess references a work of literature: Drink once. If he mentions a writer who’s not a white man (as if that would ever happen), finish your drink.
Every time Dean messes with his hair: Drink, and then reach out toward the screen and wish that you could mess with his hair, too.
If you see a cameo from a cast member of Parenthood or Bunheads: Drink once, so as not to spend too much time thinking about parallel universes.
Whenever Lane plays the drums: Keep drinking. Hep Alien forever!
If Kirk’s pig is onscreen: Keep drinking.
When you hear the last four words: Finish your drink — you’ll probably need to anyway.