Sweet, innocent James Marsden has a confession to make. The Westworld actor went on Ellen and shamed himself for being “really creepy” and “voyeuristic” for secretly taking a photo of his crush Helen Mirren in an airport. James, my famous, hopelessly non-mortal friend, if you think that’s creepy, please, please stay off Tumblr, and the rest of the internet while you’re at it. After Marsden confessed all, who came out of the wings to greet him but the one, the only, the incandescent Mirren? Naturally, the two hit it off, because while Helen Mirren may be Helen Mirren, James Marsden is also James Marsden. But, alas, their love is not to be, as when they tried to run off together, some mysterious force (the PR machine) pulled Marsden away from the call of his heart and back for the rest of his interview. Sigh, is everywhere as hopeless as Westworld?