Apocalypse Watch: Shia LaBeouf Is a Shockingly Competent Freestyle Rapper, So It Really Is Almost Over

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“You ain’t in Hollywood right now, Shia LaBeouf! That ain’t what this is!” In a rational world, that’s what you think you would hear Sway shout before watching complicated actor (and newly married man!) Shia LaBeouf spin out into some weird spoken-word poetry in the 5 Fingers of Death freestyle challenge during his Sway in the Morning radio show appearance. But in fact, what you see next is LaBeouf sidling up to the mic and effectively yawping, “Not today, Satan!” before delivering four straight minutes of shockingly good off-the-cuff rapping. And look, there’s nothing we can tell you here that you’d actually believe, so just watch the clip and find out why Sway ends up calling out all those fake-ass rappers and screaming, “Shia LaBeouf! Number one MC in Hollywood! I said it!” with his sunglasses on. It's the end of the world as we know it, and we're not feeling even close to fine. But this helps.