If you have a turkey emergency bad enough to require immediate assistance, but not so bad as to require paramedics, the Butterball Turkey Hotline is there for you. Stephen Colbert traveled to beautiful Naperville, Illinois, last week to learn the ins and outs of being essentially a turkey 911 operator. Is your turkey practically jerky? Are your giblets more of a Kimmy Gibbler? Are your drumsticks … all … fucked up and whatnot? Whatever problem you’ve got, Stephen Colbert is dead set on giving your Thanksgiving a happy ending.