Stephen Colbert Has a Few Post-Election Thanksgiving Survival Tips, in Case You Waited Until the Last Minute to Get Those, Too

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You're driving 90 miles per hour to the store to get pie ingredients, someone's going to have to use the upside-down garbage can as a chair, and if you have to ask your brother's girlfriend's name one more time, you will permanently damage your relationship with both of them. You aren't prepared for anything this Thanksgiving, so why would you have thought ahead and read any of those How-To guides about how to talk to your family about politics? You didn't. Luckily, Stephen Colbert has condensed it all down to a few, dense, stuffinglike nuggets for you to cram down your gullet: Don't scream at each other in front of guests, keep your jaws constantly occupied, and never, ever, ever bring a knife to a turkey fight.