The Real Housewives of Atlanta Recap: I’m With Her

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Shereé Whitfield. Photo: Bravo
The Real Housewives of Atlanta

The Real Housewives of Atlanta

Shade Grenade Season 9 Episode 5
Editor's Rating 4 stars

Every time I think the real housewives of Atlanta have given me everything they’ve got, they give me just a little. Bit. More. Last week’s episode featured the incomparable Leon and this week, we get thoughtful conversations about being a black person in America and raising black children, along with day gowns, a bomb threat, and, last but certainly not least, a mother setting up a sex den for her daughter and son-in-law. RHOA, you give too much. You art too much of my heart. Let’s dig in.

Phaedra is at home talking on the phone with Representative Frederica Wilson about another extralegal execution of a black person. Since she’s politically active, Phaedra wants to help Rep. Wilson host a talk about police brutality during the Democratic National Convention for black leaders. Afterward, Porsha comes over to see Phaedra with her finest day gown. Most people would call it a “maxidress,” but since Porsha is always in the middle of a moment, sista girl is wearing a day gown. Phaedra asks Porsha if she remembers the congresswoman and Porsha goes, “With the little hat?” When I looked up Frederica Wilson to find out a little bit about her history, I learned she’s sponsored some amazing bills, like one that would expand the Family and Medical Leave Act to cover parents going to school activities and events. What I did not expect to find was Google suggesting I finish my search with “Frederica Wilson hats.” She does not have little hats, Porsha. She has giant amazing hats. Color coordinated with her outfits. So wonderful that Huffington Post has compiled her 20 greatest hats. I would say all the hats are her greatest hats. She needs her own show. Her hats need a Tumblr. Don’t let me down, internet.

Phaedra and Porsha talk some delightful shit about First Lady-elect Melania Trump. It’s not the civil disobedience that we need; it’s the civil disobedience that we desperately need. Read the Trumps to filth.

Cynthia and Kenya are going to a cake-decorating studio to decorate cakes for Matt’s birthday. Ugh, big dumb Matt. He has not proven himself worthy of a Gucci-themed belt in honor of a belt he lost. Cynthia feels left out because now that she’s getting divorced, she doesn’t get all the invites to the fun couples events anymore. Cynthia, you don’t want an invite to go ride ATVs with Kenya and Matt. Before they hand their cakes off to the professionals, Kenya makes a fondant dick. You won’t be seeing that on The Great British Baking Show anytime soon.

Sheree is going to see her son, Kairo, who is playing catch in the park with his friend. Kairo was recently arrested and got a DUI. According to Kairo, he was smoking pot and got pulled over for an expired tag. Sheree is understandably upset and shaken. In today’s climate, a black mother’s greatest fear is that her child will be pulled over by the wrong cop. It doesn’t matter if their child is breaking the law or not; it doesn’t matter if their child is “a good kid” or not. It’s a fear all black parents carry with them. (If this is bringing you down during your enjoyment of a fun reality show, well, too bad. Welcome to a fraction of our world.) Sheree has taken Kairo to meet parents who have lost their children to police violence, but he still doesn’t seem to be taking it seriously. Sheree needs some help from Bob to talk some sense into her child. We’ll see how useful Bob is at that. (Answer: not very.)

Kandi is checking on the progress at OLG restaurant and things are moving slowly. Peter comes by to offer his expert advice about opening restaurants. He sizes up the restaurant and wisely says, “I hope your kitchen can handle that.” Peter and Todd talk about how everyone they know is getting divorced and Peter offers up some double-talk about why he and Cynthia are breaking up. Todd decides it’s time for him to step up in his relationship. Does he mean earn some cash outside of his wife’s influence? No. He does not.

Cynthia checks out a possible house because one of Peter’s conditions for the divorce is that she has to sell their house. She checks out a positively palatial six-bedroom with an outdoor shower. Her daughter approves because of the many selfie-ready spots.

Porsha and Phaedra head to the DNC and I had a grief-blackout when I was confronted with people still cheering and rooting for Hillary Clinton. Once my boyfriend calmed me down from my sadness blackout by showing me pictures of Shirley Chisholm Photoshopped to be wearing Frederica Wilson’s hats, I caught Phaedra leading a discussion about police brutality with the older brother of Trayvon Martin and, for some unknown reason, Judge Joe Mathis. Again, all the hope and honesty in this conversation is inspiring, even though Judge Joe Mathis is there. Phaedra is trying to do right by the culture and I’m here for it.

What I am NOT here for is Kenya having to excuse Matt’s behavior as “a tantrum.” He’s punching walls and screaming because she posted a picture from her video ho days. That’s not a tantrum. That’s scary and controlling behavior. Matt certainly doesn’t redeem himself by skipping the birthday surprise Kenya has planned for him. Instead, he goes to visit his sister and doesn’t consider that his girlfriend might want to spend his birthday with him.

Mama Joyce stops by Kandi’s house to babysit for free (for once) and give Todd and Kandi a romantic evening. She’s laid out all kinds of lube and chocolate body paint for her daughter and son-in-law. Kandi slips into something more comfortable and walks by her mother on the way to her sex den.

Finally, Phaedra is on the way to see Apollo, Kenya and Kandi are at the ATV place, and Sheree is attempting to co-parent with Bob. Bob is telling Kairo the benefits of medical marijuana when Phaedra gets a call from her assistant — someone went to Phaedra’s office with some sort of device to blow the place up. What?! Phaedra races to arrange somewhere safe for her mother to go with her kids as she’s getting out of the black SUV to go see Apollo to finalize their divorce. That? That’s drama.

Real Housewives of Atlanta Recap: I’m With Her