Chuck Lorre Uses Mom Vanity Card to Advise Julian Assange to Hack Donald Trump

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Chuck Lorre. Photo: Steve Granitz/WireImage

Oh, but for the days when Chuck Lorre’s vanity cards were primarily used for missives about Charlie Sheen. The sitcom mogul got political (though not politically correct) with the vanity card for Thursday’s Mom, using the forum to urge Julian Assange to hack the living daylights out of Donald Trump. In the pretty lengthy open letter, Lorre asks Assange to follow through on his promise to “use the Internet to expose and bring down all the corrupt bastards ruining our world.” “Julie, baby! Boychick! The job’s only half-way done! You need to show us you’re not just another gun for hire and hose down the other mosh pit,” Lorre pleaded. Specifically, Lorre would like the dubiously acquired receipts on Trump’s tax returns, the rumored Apprentice outtakes, and proof of the golden showers, should it exist. And Lorre’s motivational techniques are colorful, to say the least, as he urges Assange to “step up, J-man. If you wanna be a cyber Fidel, or a digital Che, or a virtual Ho, you’ve gotta stop stuffing your face with arroz con pollo and get to work.” Lorre signed the appeal “Hugs to Vlad,” because, hey, international intelligence crisis aside, there’s no reason we can’t all get along. The full vanity card, courtesy of Deadline, is below.

An Open Letter to Julian Assange

Dear Jules,

Belated congrats on your whole Mr. Robot thing. You promised to use the Internet to expose and bring down all the corrupt bastards ruining our world, and boy did you almost follow through. Julie baby! Boychick! The job’s only half-way done! You need to show us you’re not just another gun for hire and hose down the other mosh pit. You know what I’m talking about. The tax returns, the out-takes, maybe even some freaky-deaky-golden-leaky beauty pageant video action. Time to step up, J-man. If you wanna be a cyber Fidel, or a digital Che, or a virtual Ho, you’ve gotta stop stuffing your face with arroz con pollo and get to work. It’s time to go all Talking Heads on this situation. Burning down the house, bubelah! You’re one wikiwacky-leak away from being a hero. Or maybe a martyr. Ecuadorean potato soup, Ecuadorean puhtahto soup, they’re usually the same thing.

Hugs to Vlad,
Chuck

P.S. Love your hair, very nouveau Morlock

Chuck Lorre Tells Julian Assange to Hack Trump