Sad Clown John Malkovich Is Here to Free Your Kids of the Perverse Delusion That Birthdays Are Fun

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In a variation on the theme of good cop/bad cop, Stephen Colbert and John Malkovich play happy clown/sad clown in their new business, Stephen and John’s Kiddacular Birthday Entertainment. Because, sure, you could wait until your kids are grown and gone for them to learn the existentially burdensome truth that birthdays are at best kinda dumb and at worst the day of the year that you spend discontentedly counting your friends by the finger. You could do that, or you can hire a morose John Malkovich to burst that bubble instead. It’ll bring a blistering early crash to that sugar rush, at the very least.

Sad Clown John Malkovich Is Here to Bum Out Your Kid’s Party