Get Ready to Tolerate Apple’s Reality Show About App Developers

By
Image
Behold, your celebrity panel.

Here’s the trailer for Apple’s Planet of the Apps, which is like Shark Tank but for product managers, and there are some famous celebs involved. Is it possible to be too excited? Developers have to pitch their earthshaking app idea to “four of the world’s most culturally influential entrepreneurs.” Those entrepreneurs are Jessica Alba, Gwyneth Paltrow, will.i.am, and … Gary Vaynerchuk. Sure!

“You’ve completely sold me on the tech advantage,” Vaynerchuk tells a guy with hair that is, frankly, too big. No clue what the tech advantage is here. “As consumers of news, we have a real trust issue,” says Gwyneth Paltrow, a comrade in the fight against fake news. She also sells $185 jean shorts.

“I have that gut and that intuition, and so far, it’s been right,” asserts Jessica Alba, whose Honest Company has been sued multiple times for misleading products, and which issued a voluntary recall for its baby powder just last month.

“Developers are the rock stars of right now,” declares Davos-attendee will.i.am, incorrectly. Developers have 60 seconds to make [long exhale] an “escalator pitch” to the panel. If selected, they are then mentored by the celebs, or Gary Vaynerchuk, who I bet are very hands-on. They also get advice from special guests from companies like Yelp and Uber, which is having a great moment currently.

But then there’s a second twist that is actually pretty good. After the app is complete, they have to pitch it again to a venture-capital firm — in this case, Lightspeed Venture Partners. If you have ever wanted to see Oscar winner Gwyneth Paltrow answer questions like “what’s your burn rate,” then this is definitely the show for you.

And, duh doy, you will be able to download the apps once they’re placed front and center in Apple’s App Store. Planet of the Apps will be available only on Apple Music later this year.

Apple’s Planet of the Apps Is Definitely a Show of Some Sort