Never idly watch someone enjoy success if you can find a convoluted way to take credit. That’s a lesson Matthew Perry has down pat, in case you were wondering how exactly the sitcom star is responsible for your crush on Canadian prime minister and international heartthrob Justin Trudeau: When Perry was in fifth grade, he beat Trudeau up. As Perry explained on Jimmy Kimmel Live!, the two attended the same elementary school, where Trudeau was “excelling in a sport,” an offense that drove Perry to “pure jealousy.” “I think he said, ‘I’m going to rise above this and become prime minister,’” Perry explained. We don’t know, Matt. Even for a stretch, that elastic is pulling awfully tight. Maybe just content yourself with having patented an inflection, and let the rest be?