One might think that Ed Sheeran’s brush with near-death by sword would have caused him to err on the side of caution for all future wild nights out with his famous friends, but, alas. In addition to having his face sliced open (allegedly) by Princess Beatrice, Sheeran had a literal hand in more blunt-force trauma — this time, involving Justin Bieber. In a new Guardian profile, Sheeran relives the time he and his pal/collaborator/fellow knucklehead, the Biebs, used some seriously bad judgement during a semi-drunken night in Japan that resulted in Bieber’s porcelain face almost getting smashed in. Allow Sheeran to tell the story:
“We were in Japan. We’d been out to a dive bar. He just drank water and I got hammered. Then we went to a golf course, and he lay on the floor and put a golf ball in his mouth and told me to hit it out of his mouth. I was like, ‘Fuck, I need to aim this properly,’ and I swung. And you know in films when someone gets punched, and you hear that fake sound, like a slap? But in real life when someone gets punched, you hear that dull thud, a bit sickening? I heard a sound like the last one, and saw his security guard looking at me like” – he pulls a horrified expression. “I’d cracked Justin Bieber right in the cheek with a golf club. That was,” he concludes, “one of those ‘What the fuck?’ moments.”
May Sheeran’s constant challenges with metal objects be a lesson to all sober people: Dare your drunk friend to do something stupid and risk bodily harm.