Hannah Horvath’s Highs and Lows, by the Numbers

By
Hannah Horvath.

By her own admission, Hannah Horvath has spent the past six seasons of Girls “trying to become who I am.” So how has our millennial anti-heroine fared on her journey toward personal and professional self-actualization? Well, it’s been a zigzaggy, crisis-laden route that’s included a frustrating dead-end situation in Iowa, a lengthy detour through prep-school academia, at least three friendship breakdowns on Sunday’s penultimate episode, and several romantic and/or psychosexual wrong turns that brought her back to Adam time and again. Now that Hannah’s headed north on an arrow-straight path toward single-mom-with-health-insurance bliss in upstate New York, it’s time to take stock of her achievements and shortcomings with a premiere-to-finale reckoning of her highs and lows with regards to work, sex, friends, family, and more. Herewith, Hannah Horvath by the numbers:

Full-time, paying jobs Hannah’s had (including the college teaching gig she’s about to start): 6

All jobs, including internships and freelance, listed on Hannah’s résumé in the season-four episode “Close-Up”: 6

How many of those jobs Hannah held partly or entirely during the year 2012: 5

Hannah’s longest stretch of continuous employment: Café Grumpy/Ray’s, 18 episodes

Second-longest stretch of continuous employment: St. Justine’s, 13 episodes

How many times Hannah was summoned to the principal’s office while working at St. Justine’s: 3

Bosses she’s sexually harassed by flashing her crotch at them or forcibly putting their hand on her breast: 2

Jobs Hannah declared she was quitting, but didn’t: 2

Freelance pieces Hannah has had assigned and/or published, that we know of: 6

Full-time or freelance job interviews we’ve seen Hannah go on: 7

How many of those interviews Hannah’s blown: 1

Book deals (e- or print) Hannah’s been offered: 2

Books Hannah’s actually published: 0

How long Hannah’s relationship with Adam lasted after they officially became boyfriend-girlfriend: 19 episodes

How long Hannah’s relationship with Fran lasted: 8 episodes

Times Hannah’s been the romantic breaker-upper: 3

Times she’s the breaker-uppee: 1

Boyfriends Hannah’s cheated on: 1

How long Hannah lasted on her three-month summer road trip with Fran: 90 minutes, based on how long it took Ray to come get her in his coffee truck

Number of times she called Adam her boyfriend when he wasn’t yet: 4

Number of times Adam calls Hannah “kid”: 18

Number of episodes before Hannah asks him to stop calling her that: 37

Platonic roommates Hannah’s had: 5

Romantic roommates Hannah’s had: 2

Longest platonic roommate situation: Elijah, 30 episodes (in Brooklyn and Iowa)

Second-longest platonic roommate situation: Marnie, 10 episodes

Roommates she kicked out: 3

Roommates who left her: 3

One- or two-night stands Hannah’s had: 5

Men who offer to help Hannah raise her baby: 2

Exercises reluctantly: Once

Exercises willingly: 4 times

Number of visits Hannah’s parents pay her: 10

Number of visits Hannah pays her family: 4 (including the girls’ “queening” weekend with her mom)

How many times Hannah’s parents pay for dinner: 4

How long Hannah’s parents supported her before cutting her off in the series premiere: 2 years

How much money Hannah asked for after being cut off: $26,400 (in 24 monthly installments)

Money Hannah takes that doesn’t belong to her: $120

Times Hannah shows up late (to work, to meet friends/parents, etc.): 8

Bikes Hannah’s had stolen: 2

Bikes Hannah has stolen: 1

Distracted-driving accidents Hannah has definitely or arguably been responsible for: 3

How many times Hannah ate Cool-Whip straight from the container: 2

How many times Hannah has happily danced alone: 5

Hannah Horvath’s Highs and Lows, by the Numbers