Jared Kushner and Stephen* Bannon. What’s President Trump going to do with you two gents? You’re his top advisers, but Trumpy only has one photo in his hand and can’t keep you both in the White House forever. One’s extremely photogenic and a “Jewish Amélie”; one’s not. One eats live pigs in the Roosevelt Room; the other, not so much. Ugh, the tension is too much! Whoever survives this final elimination not only gets to keep advising Trump, but will also receive $100,000 courtesy of L’Oréal. And, you know, continue to be the one who actually does Trump’s job. Smize!
The spelling of Stephen Bannon’s first name has been updated in this post.