The latest adaptation of It, already a massive box-office and critical hit, has got it all: a murderous, shape-shifting sewer clown; severed arms; a child orgy (just kidding!); and lots and lots of scathing put-downs. You’d be hard-pressed to find another recent movie with this many incredible burns, particularly ones issued by and targeted directly at middle-schoolers. Richie Tozier (Stranger Things’ Finn Wolfhard) provides the bulk of the barbs, but plenty of other Derry residents know how to dole it out, too. Should you find yourself in the position to disparage a peer (child or otherwise) in the near future, we’ve catalogued It’s best one-liners, all in one convenient place.
For someone taking up a bathroom stall:
“Are you in there by yourself, or are half the guys from school in there with you too?”
For someone who challenges you for being an introvert:
–“You want to spend your summer in the arcade?”
–“Beats spending it in your mom.”
For someone who’s going through your stuff:
–“Hey, are these birth control pills?”
–“Yeah, I’m saving them for your sister.”
For someone who’s particularly unclean:
“Do you use the same bathroom as your mother? Then you probably have crabs.”
For someone who won’t go into the sewer with you (admittedly specific):
–“I can smell the pee from here.”
–“That’s probably your breath wafting back into your face.”
For someone who’s overly boastful:
–“What’d she do?”
–“More like who’d she do. I hear the list is longer than my wang.”
–“That’s not saying much.”
For someone who asks for help cleaning their bathroom:
“This is like Eddy’s mom’s vagina on Halloween.”
For someone who’s cloyingly innocent:
“Can only virgins see this? Is that why I’m not seeing it?”
For when you draw the short straw:
“I can’t believe I drew the short straw. You guys are lucky you’re not measuring dicks.”
For a ginger:
“Who invited Molly Ringwald into the group?”
For someone with a mullet (or anyone, really):
“Go blow your dad, you mullet-wearing asshole!”
