WHAT. ON. EARTH. How? What? Huh? I … just … C’MON. How were they allowed to show that on television? That was UNBELIEVABLE. For a full 15 minutes after the episode ended, I just sat with my mouth open and every few minutes, my boyfriend would try to close it but it would just fall open again. WHAT DID I JUST WATCH? I mean, it was gripping and actually made me care about Laurel’s dumbass plan. But holy shit, that ending. The last 20 minutes were UNREASONABLE. It was just one amazing tragedy after another. And how did they decide they were going to show Annalise dragging a stillborn baby across a filthy elevator floor and watch her perform endless minutes of CPR?
I feel like we can’t talk about anything else until we fully address that Laurel gave passive birth (is that even the term for it?) in an elevator and then Annalise grabbed onto the baby’s legs, pulled the baby through a grate and administered CPR. That happened.
I mean, just wow.
The other thing that we have to address: This show expected us to care about Simon really quickly after absolutely hating him for three seasons. They just kept throwing things at us in these last few episodes to set us up for his tragic end. “Uh … he’s undocumented … uh … uh … he’s gay too!”
Let’s go back to 24 hours before Oliver discovers Simon’s body and Connor storms over to Laurel’s apartment. Before she lets him in, he demands the ring back from Oliver. Connor asks if they’re going to tie him up like they did Rebecca.
Meanwhile, Bonnie is waiting for Annalise at her hotel to plead to take her back or something. I’m becoming more and more unclear on what type of love Bonnie has for Annalise. Does Bonnie actually like-like Annalise?
Also, Jimmy Smits is talking to his ex-wife about his relationship with Annalise. First of all, How to Get Away with Murder is getting a little too cocky with these montages of multiple conversations. Second of all, can Annalise and Jimmy Smits just get together already? That’s what everyone is implying, right? Just give it to us.
The Laurel Gang is trying to convince Connor that they’re actually doing Simon a favor because he can get some special visa for being a whistleblower. And Connor is not having it. He throws it all back in Frank’s face and says that this is why Annalise hates him. He’s always trying to destroy people’s lives and he’s used to running around doing things for mommy and Laurel is mommy now. Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaamn. Frank rushes to Connor and chokes him out and the gang almost doesn’t pry him off. Frank lets him go and Connor says he just wants them to be safe. Laurel begs him when Annalise calls him. He left her a message on the way there. Connor gets her off his back and says the minute anything goes wrong, he’s calling Annalise again and he’s going to the party now.
It’s finally time for the party and Michaela and Asher are trying various tactics to get Tegan to give them her purse and her keycard. They are failing miserably at getting a woman to hand over her purse. Annalise and Laurel are both hearing voices in their heads about how they’re broken and damaged and putting everyone in danger. They grab their bags and rush out. Annalise heads to Jimmy Smits’s office to ask him to be her therapist again while Laurel heads to the party. How did Laurel get in? I can’t imagine it’s easy to just walk into a fancy lawyer party.
Simon corners Oliver and tells him that he lashes out at Connor for being a “privileged private-school gay who has everything, including things he doesn’t deserve. Like Oliver.” Oh word, fam? We’re doing THIS now? It feels like, “You helped me with my computer once, so I love you.” Oliver even says, “You’re gay?” and Simon says, “Maybe, I really like you, Oliver.” Um, okay? Oliver doesn’t think it’s such a good idea to frame a DACA kid who is desperately deep in the closet.
While Annalise pleads with Jimmy Smits to take her back as a client, Connor calls and says that Laurel’s father killed Wes and they’re all trying to bankrupt his company.
Also, Bonnie and Nate are drinking together but, c’mon, WE DON’T HAVE TIME, BONNIE.
Michaela and Asher finally get Tegan’s keycard, so they have five minutes to get into the server room and get out. Asher takes the keycard to Laurel and Oliver. There’s some minor file intrigue, but they make it out of there pretty safely. The new plan is to place the keycard on Simon and to have Oliver kiss him to get close enough. Oliver dashes out to try to find Simon and runs into Connor, who tells him he told Annalise everything.
Let’s tackle this next bit as it happens in real time and not how it plays out in the episode. It’s that bonkers.
Annalise calls Laurel and leaves her a message, saying that she can come to her hotel to get help. While the Laurel Gang is arguing about planting the keycard on Simon, he walks in and overhears them. He says he’ll tell Tegan that they’ve done something and Laurel offers him $50,000 to stay quiet. Since when does she have all this money? Simon wants to see what’s in her bag and he pulls out a gun that Laurel brought with her. They try to get the gun away and he jerks backward, trips over an office chair, and shoots himself in the head. He falls to the ground bleeding. Oliver comes back in and screams. Oliver wants to call 9-1-1 and tries to perform CPR on Simon.
Michaela takes charge of the situation by wiping the keycard of their fingerprints and putting it in Simon’s pocket. Asher tries to hide the gun, but Michaela wipes it down and puts it back near Simon’s head. She tells Laurel to hail a cab and hide out because her dad will know soon enough.
Michaela comes out of the elevator and enters the party again, saying that Simon shot himself. She intercepts Connor and tells him to go to Laurel’s apartment. Annalise calls Frank and scolds him for putting another pregnant woman in danger. She returns home after storming out of Jimmy Smits’s office. Laurel tells the cab driver to go to Annalise’s hotel.
Then comes the impossible and unbelievably emotional kick in the nuts that is the finale of this episode. Laurel gets into the elevator at Annalise’s apartment — the elevator that we all know has a tendency to get stuck — and by God, she gets trapped right after we get a few shots of blood dripping out from between her legs. When the elevator jams, she notices the drips of blood and tries to hit every button but nothing is working. She’s groaning and screaming and about to pass out and this is ALL TOO MUCH. Annalise hears her and pries open the elevator door, but can’t get the grate open. She notices all the blood on the floor and tries to shake Laurel awake through the grate. Laurel is out on the floor and then Annalise notices the baby. This goddamn baby doll. It is WAY too realistic and crosses a line into nightmare fuel. Annalise calls 9-1-1 and they talk her through cutting the umbilical cord and giving CPR to the baby. She’s chanting, “Live. Live. Live.” to the baby. He’s two months premature and isn’t ready to live outside the womb.
We see a doctor trying to save Simon. The moment he flatlines, the title flashes on the screen and we hear the baby cry. Annalise and I will need about 300 drinks to deal with what the hell just happened. (Also, if Simon died at the same moment the baby cried, is the baby now Simon?)