A Stupid Little Star Wars Game to Play With Yourself to Pass the Time

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Photo: Jonathan Olley/Lucasfilm

Brains are a mushy hellscape filled with the worst thing known to humankind: thoughts. When’s the world going to end? When is it going to begin, assuming we are actually part of a humanity simulator created by a child-God, practicing for when they become old enough to create a real existence? Is that girl I kissed at summer camp dead now? Why did I even think about that? I didn’t even go to camp! The point is, though, while some thoughts are good (i.e., I want to give that English bulldog a big kissy on one of his cheek folds), most are bad. This bad-to-good ratio is ever more likely to tilt toward the dark side when you aren’t doing anything. Idle brains are the devil’s sex dungeon.

Considering the fact that you’re still reading this, now seems to be one of those times. So I’d like offer you a moment of freaking peace for once in your dang life. It’s like a guided meditation, but not impossible, and with no lasting benefits, and it’s not a guided meditation.

First, let’s prepare.
Step 1: Be reading this post.
Step 2: Know how to read — not like just pretending like you know how, like when a sitcom character pretends to eat his friend’s mom’s meatloaf but is really just feeding it to the dog, but then the dog gets sick — classic Ronny!
Step 3: Don’t be listening or watching anything or you’ll miss it, and then what is even the point?
Step 4: Just be ready to do whatever I instruct you to do in two sentences. Any second guesses will ruin it.

Ready?

In your head, try pronouncing “Star Wars” in a way that “star” and “war” rhyme.

Did you do it?

Did you go with “store wars” or “star wahrs” or some freaky third way?

Is that it? That’s it. I promised you a fleeting second of relief from the noise, and I think that scrappy little nobody of a thing delivered. Is this something you can revisit from time to time, when you need a moment of silence, like when you’re standing during a moment of silence but can only think about if, earlier that day, Danielle from work saw you eat tape? I don’t know. Try it again.

Did it work?

Ok. Cool. That’s it. May the force be with me for coming up with this nice, smart game.

A Stupid Little Star Wars Game to Play to Pass the Time