Nashville almost went there tonight. First, they show Will flirting with a cute guy at the gym. Then, they cut to a scene of Will taking the guy home, slamming him against the wall, and kissing him.
Get down with your bad self, CMT!
But alas, our enjoyment is to be short-lived: Gunnar immediately comes bounding down the stairs, interrupting them. Will makes it clear that Gunnar is just a friend (sure, Jan) and commences introductions.
“Gunnar, this is Dave,” Will says.
“Dan,” the hot guy corrects.
I assumed that was the end of that, but to Nashville’s everlasting credit, there’s more. Will and Dan actually go up to the bedroom and start to get busy. But then, literally two seconds later, it becomes clear that Will can’t … uh, perform.
Oh well, baby steps.
The reason for Will’s trouble in the sack? It has nothing to with his all-consuming feelings for Gunnar. Instead, it’s because he’s upset that Zach is moving back to California to pursue a senatorial bid. (I’m as baffled as you are.) Also, because he’s about to be featured in his very own After School Special about the dangers of steroids. Two thoughts on this:
1. At least it’s not testicular cancer, which is what I first feared when the doctor came back with his “test results.”
2. Is anyone actually interested in this story line? We want Wunnar! (Gill? Wilnar?) And we want it now!
Okay, I just need to circle back on this whole Zach running for Senate thing. What the hell? “The polls look good,” he claims. Really, Zach? Cause it kinda seems like you’ve been living in Nashville for the past year. Carpetbag much? (I’d say that no one would ever vote for an obnoxious, emotionally unbalanced rich person with no political experience but, well, sigh … )
So Will pays Zach a visit at Highway 65 and actually apologizes for that time he sided with his friends and labelmates over Zach. That is some bullshit right there. Will has absolutely nothing to apologize for! Anyway, their conversation is pained and sad, but at least they part on fairly good terms.
Meanwhile, Deacon and Jessie are still dithering on about whether or not they should be in a relationship. They are spotted having coffee together by Daphne and she somehow immediately deduces that their friendship has transitioned into a romance. Like, weren’t Deacon and Jessie the kind of friends who had coffee before they began dating? I didn’t see them playing footsie under the table, so this does not pass the smell test.
Naturally, Daphne is upset, which makes Deacon upset, so he blows off Jessie. Then she blows him off, out of spite. So I guess we’re doing this again.
Later, he talks to Maddie and Daphne about things and admits he has feelings for Jessie. Honestly, he kind of botches the whole conversation because he never says, “No one will ever replace your mother, whom I will love for the rest of my life.” He just basically says, “I like Jessie, you guys cool with that?”
Maddie, who is super worldly in the ways of love because she has had two boyfriends, is, indeed, cool with things. But Daphne is still pretty upset. Still, she wants Deacon to be happy, so she pretends to be okay.
Then Deacon goes to Jessie’s house and they say some more vague, noncommittal things and then they start kissing again. Maybe they’re turned on by each other’s ambivalence?
Speaking of confusing relationships: What gives with Juliette and Avery? I’m having a hard time remembering why I ever even shipped those two. Now, it’s all Juliette acting out and Avery feeling equal parts concerned and exasperated. When was the last time we saw them being romantic together? Hell, when was the last time we saw them liking each other?
Of course, Avery is not down with Darius and his self-help cult, especially since Juliette keeps spewing Darius-isms around the house, like, “We interact a lot but we never truly communicate on a deeper level.” (This, mind you, was right after she suggested they go out for pancakes.) That line alone is grounds for divorce.
Juliette invites Avery to the compound in the hopes that he, too, will become a true believer. He’s less than impressed and visibly rolls his eyes when Darius mentions his “Coherent Philosophy” movement. I’ve never related to Avery more in my entire life.
So here’s the problem: Juliette really does seem happier — and she’s learned to wield that staple gun like a champ — but what is Avery supposed to do with this? He has a strong hunch that Darius is a con artist and that Juliette is setting herself up for more chaos and heartache (for a change), but he doesn’t know it for sure. And the more critical he is of Darius’s cult, the more Juliette pulls away from him. You see? Dilemma!
Moving right along, the show has finally gifted us with our first proper love triangle of the season. It involves Jonah’s good friend, the floppy-haired Twig (Dylan Arnold). First of all, Twig’s name is Twig, which already gives him a leg up. Second, he’s super smart: While the gang is watching Jigsaw, he casually mentions that it’s paying homage to the classic Italian horror film, Profondo Rosso. Also, he admits that he was a giant nerd in junior high school who wore clothing that his grandma picked out for him. This is the boy for you, Maddie!
I should probably mention that a Maddie/Twig romance is only a figment of my fevered imagination at this point. But it’s gonna happen. Just you wait.
Meanwhile, Jonah isn’t that horrible? I mean, it’s hard to say. He invites Maddie to record a duet with him in the studio, and then inexplicably stares at his phone the whole time. (Seriously, I didn’t get that. Was he reading lyrics? Recording a strangely masturbatory video of himself? Any insight here would be greatly appreciated.) Then he invites the gang back to his “crib to chill” — okay, he doesn’t actually say that, but it seems very much like the kind of thing he would say — which is where his friends stumble across a gossip website that has a picture of Maddie and Jonah captioned, “Jonah’s New Love!” Jonah tosses the iPod in disgust and storms off into his weirdly ornate kitchen, and Maddie follows him. She asks why he’s mad.
He hops up on the kitchen counter. “I’m not mad, I just hate these stupid distractions, especially when they get in the way of me trying to know a really cool girl.”
She hops up next to him. “Will you still think I’m cool if I watch the rest of [Jigsaw] like this?” she says, putting her hands in front of her face.
“Yes I will,” he says. “Look, I’ll do it, too.” And then he puts his hands in front of his face.
I wonder how long they stayed that way.
Of course, the internet is relentless — as is its wont — and keeps speculating about their romance. Later that night, Maddie expresses her dismay to Deacon: “How many times do I have to deal with this whole MEAN INTERNET thing?”
She calls Jonah and tells him she can’t do this. The mean internet has won. But he tells her he knows a way around the paparazzi. The next day, he takes her on a date to Senior Citizens Bingo. Wait, that’s cute. And he also jumps up to hug an old lady when she spells B-I-N-G-O.
But I will not be swayed by your charms, young Jonah. My eye is on the real prize and that prize is spelled T-W-I-G.
Oh, and I almost forgot to mention the best part of the episode! Daphne had her own montage song. No duet with Maddie or Deacon, just her own lovely song, self-accompanied on the guitar, as the show came to a melancholy close. Sniff. They grow up so fast.