Doing some cheap cocaine in Midtown on a laundry cart and looking for a St. Paddy’s Day rave? Stefon, as always, has you covered. The five boroughs’ resident party animal dusted off his favorite Ed Hardy shirt to return to Weekend Update with the latest and greatest club venues — it doesn’t matter if you’re actually Irish or just white and violent! — and boy, these places truly continue to have everything. Human squatty pottys. TED Talks. Roman J. Israel, Esq. Leprechauns that look like Farrah Fawcett. Good thing his lawyer swings by near the end, or he might’ve engaged in some dangerous “midget” talk.