It’s time to talk about Queer Eye’s most ubiquitous feature. No, not Antoni’s use of avocados, or Bobby’s obsession with natural lighting in home makeovers, or everybody’s emotional crying jags. We need to talk about how the Fab Five — specifically, fashion expert Tan France — are obsessed with button-down patterned shirts. According to Queer Eye, the button-down patterned shirt is the solution to all your woes in life. It’s an all-purpose utility player in any wardrobe. A button-down patterned shirt gets you out of the dreary land of solid colors (or, gasp, white shirts) without pushing you too far into buying new types of clothing (God forbid you have to learn about layering).
If a man needs help broadening his sense of fashion? Give him a button-down patterned shirt! If a man needs help building the confidence to come out? Give him a button-down patterned shirt! If a man needs help charming his wife? Give him a button-down patterned shirt! Such is the Queer Eye way. In honor of that ever-practical, just-buy-out-that-one-rack-at-J.-Crew-or-maybe-try-Bonobos approach to the universe, we present a guide to every button-down patterned shirt to appear on this season of Queer Eye. May you be inspired to mix up your wardrobe with new colorful and yet tasteful well-tailored looks.
We begin with Tan, lovely Tan, helpful Tan, in a button-down patterned shirt as he convinces Tom to branch out beyond solids.
Look, he’s done just that! Sure, it’s a plaid pattern, but plaid counts.
Tan thinks about all he has done for Tom, patterns-wise, in a Hawaiian pattern.
Bobby, the second most pattern-obsessed member of the Fab Five, also wears a button-down pattern for moral support.
This is the most pattern-heavy episode. Not coincidentally, it’s also the one in which Tan connects most closely with the contestant, Neal, who is depressed and will only get out of his funk with the help of some bright colors and bold patterns. (Hey, that’s also a play!)
Bobby is also in a patterned shirt. As we said, he likes them, too.
This is Tan’s happy place: Just look at all the patterned shirts in the background.
Bobby is hard at work in another patterned shirt of his own. See, they’re multiuse!
Later, he switches into a dressier button-down pattern. Versatility!
When you’re trying to welcome button-down patterns into your life, but you’re not sure if you’re bold enough yet.
When you’ve made peace with the fact that you aren’t a bold button-down pattern guy, but you’re at least willing to try some shy button-down patterns.
Bobby is ready for the road in a flowery button-down pattern.
Tan is going to change your life and he just needs a few button-down patterns to do it.
Sadly, Cory does not get inducted in button-down pattern lifestyle, but we do get to see Bobby wearing a button-down pattern (boldly clashing with American flag bottoms!) near the end of the episode.
AJ, our subject for this episode, starts off wearing a button-down shirt that actually has a bit of a pattern to it if you look closely. This is how we know that he’s gay, but still partially in the closet.
Antoni tries on AJ’s shirt, briefly leaving behind his whole graphic-tee thing, which we will leave as the subject of a future investigation.
Tan meditates on his plans in a button-down with stripes, which I am counting as pattern because I get to make the decisions here.
Then, ta-da!, Tan gets AJ into a a nearly identical shirt.
Other people have also started to wear button-down patterns. There is no escape.
Look at that grin. Look at that pattern. Tan is up to something.
This random guy at the barbershop is in on it.
I can show you the world, shining, shimmering, patterned.
A whole new world!
A new fantastic point of view!
Bobby shouts encouragement from the protection of a button-down pattern.
This is actually a pattern-light episode, but please admire the sheer number of inventive pattern choices in this shot alone. (Though, to be clear, Bobby is the only one with a button-down patterned shirt.)
Tan is at it again with his one striped button-down, which, as a side note, I’m pretty sure is from J. Crew because I have the same one in white and blue.
To be a good man in 2018, you must embrace pattern-fluidity! (Also, I like how Tan always starts the guys off easy with muted colors.)
What’s that peeking out from under Joe’s jacket? It’s a subtle little pattern. Hey there, pattern!
Tiger, tiger burning bright, in the pattern of the shirt.
There is much to admire here, from the sass to the florals to the extremely deep V-neck.
Straights, they grow up so fast!
Here, take a few more patterns for the road.
Even the kids are wearing button-down patterned shirts now. The queer agenda has won.